Doran's Path

Gearing up for Samhain

2010-10-14T23:25:00.002-04:00

So Samhain is less than a month away (YIKES!). The Fellowship has a great overnight ritual planned - and instead of tenting it (which could be rather chilly), we're renting a cabin which is AWESOME. Perhaps even...dare I hope...warm water???

Samhain is going to be a VERY busy weekend. Friday night is the Fellowship ritual, and Saturday morning we are going to do the induction for the council and myself as steward. I am very excited about taking a more active leadership role in the Fellowship, but I will definitely only be a part of our leadership structure with the council - not the person 'in charge'. Unless, of course, my will is defied!! ;-) J/K

There's a bunch of great classes going on right now - Jason Miller's Financial Sorcer, and Maggi Setti's excellent classes (my top picks are Green Magick and Initiation), not to mention Autumn Magick with the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel and the beginning of the Shamanic 2-year program being run by Denise Sarraco.

So in other words - VERY busy fall. But very productive! I'm really looking forward to all the opportunities that have presented themselves - and hopefully will do right by them!

Summer Solstice - Gone & Done with LOTS of changes!

2010-06-27T21:59:00.002-04:00

So, a lot has happened since the summer solstice this past Monday. A lot has happened in the past year, actually, but I am excited about where all paths are leading. And I am VERY excited about many of the lessons I have been learning.

Having to juggle so many different priorities at once is really starting to take its toll on my over-achieving need to constantly commit myself to things. I have learned that I would rather not offer to help, than offer to help and be unable to fulfill what is asked of me. I want to strip some things away and really focus on the core of what I am trying to accomplish over the next year.

With the solstice I made a dedication to move towards more in-depth study, and more time spent on meditation and learning the nature of deity and my place within it.

So far, I've managed to plant an indoor garden of medicinal herbs, and have started going more in-depth with my studies of Qabalah. Looking forward to where we go from here, but I'm glad to at least be making some forward progress!

As to what has happened this week - poor Sonny (my handsome hubby) got sick for the first time in forever, his great friends came to visit (unfortunately coinciding, but we managed to have fun I think!), and I started my MBA program up again. I'm really excited about studying with the University of Ph

oenix - it's a great school and I'm really enjoying my time there.

The last thing that happened is the biggest and the saddest. My poor little rabbit, Pan, passed away on Friday. It was very sudden and we miss him ter

ribly. The house is so empty and quiet without him - I never realized how much his presence really filled up our home. We're thinking of you, Pan. You will always be a part of our family.

Been a while...

2010-05-19T14:50:00.002-04:00

The past few months have been such a whirlwind, and I haven't taken the time to write about them. It's only 11 days now until the wedding (MAJOR SQUEE!!!), and almost everything is buttoned up. Sonny and I need to finalize the ceremony details, put the finishing touches on seating charts, and in general sweep everything together for the big day.

When I say "Sonny and I", I actually mean mostly Mom and Amanda, since they have both been really running the show (in a GREAT way), helping us get organized. If we'd been left to our own devices, we'd be having a reception in the backyard with hamburgers and hot dogs. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with that, I'm definitely excited about the "Crab Cake Action Station" that will be at the reception, not to mention the inch-thick prime rib our guests will be enjoying.

Let's see...outside of wedding-type things, I've decided to switch schools from Walden University to Phoenix. I had originally avoided going with the University of Phoenix because I thought I'd get much more in the way of indidivual attention - well, it turns out that wasn't really true at all. The application process with Phoenix has been really great, and I'm confident that my overall experience will be a lot more positive.

Other than that, I have made the decision to suspend my studies of Dutch for a while (apparently my accent is very German, which I want to work on later), and I will be focusing primarily on my Irish studies. Also, I'll be working on improving my musical ability with the bodhran, the pennywhistle, and a basic harp.

More to come...

New Language-Learning Method

2010-02-21T10:49:00.002-05:00

So, most people know I love languages. I'm not terribly good at them, but I've studied a bunch over the years and hope to continue that as I get older. So far I've dabbled a respectable amount in Spanish, French, Japanese, Gaelic, Swedish, and Dutch.

Right now, I'm trying to learn Dutch. I'm not sure why I've never really tried it before - my awesome grandmother speaks Dutch and it's an excellent opportunity to not only bond with her, but also to converse with a native speaker.

However, my main problem is that, in learning any language, I tend to get terribly bored with basic grammatical exercises and vocabulary memorization. So with Dutch (or Nederlands), I'm trying something different.

I'm using one of those 'Teach Yourself' books, along with an excellent FREE linguistic program called Byki, all topped off with a healthy dose of 'het laatste nieuws' courtesy of nu.nl. I study vocabulary and grammatical structure with 'Teach Yourself', use Byki for vocabulary building, and spend a lot of time translating full articles from Dutch into English. It's teaching me a lot about syntax and actual usage, both of which you can kind of miss living only in the world of language books.

So far, it's going well - I'm engaged, interested, and am learning all sorts of interesting things (like, apparently, they have designed a shoe in Holland that responds directly to the hormonal and menstrual cycle of women, raising and lowering the arch because, apparently, we need more support on our period!)

The New Children's Story: Coraline vs. The Grimms

2010-01-18T10:23:00.002-05:00

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine before the holidays regarding the nature of modern children's entertainment. Children's literature is an extremely large field today, with a variety of sub-genres and an almost endless supply of authors and silly titles. However, this conversation centered more around an (unfortunately) more common form of stimulation for today's kids: movies.

The discussion arose when we were discussing Avatar (which had just been released). I was extremely enthused about my experience with it, and recommended it to her - I also threw in that her nine-year-old son would probably enjoy it as well. To this she shook her head and replied that it would be too much for him - she'd rather not expose him to it.

For a second, I was utterly dumbfounded - tall, blue-skinned aliens with mostly suggestive and not direct occasional violence was not what I would view as 'too much' for a boy his age. However, I thought about it - I am constantly overstimulated and overexposed to violence simply because I am a part of American culture. (If I were European, it would be sexuality that I would probably be overexposed to). Avatar, while relatively tame to me, would probably be an enormous challenge for a child under the age of 12 to process.

This got me to thinking about other 'made-for-kids' movies that I probably would NOT show to my kids until they were old enough to get it - and Coraline, an excellent stop-animation film, would be one of them.

I recently watched this movie and was absolutely captivated both by the excellent medium of creation and the wonderfully inventive storyline. However, I was MAJORLY creeped out at several different points of the movie, and can only imagine what my child-self would have had to do to process all the very complex themes and elements contained within that movie.

However, in comparison, Grimm's Fairy Tales are hardly more upbeat. Replace the weird child-killing needle witch with the evil gingerbread-house kid-EATING witch in Hansel and Gretel, (not to mention the abandonment of the children by their own parents), and I think we're on pretty much even keel. However, I clearly remember hearing that story as a child and, while being 'scared', was not terrified or overwhelmed by the themes it presented.

For a long time, I mulled over what made Coraline different from Hansel and Gretel - why do I plan on reading the latter to my children in their cribs, but won't show the movie to them until they're old enough to be bringing home schoolwork I can't help them with? That's when I realized - the factor of imagination.

Grimm's Fairy Tales are extremely complex as well, with a great deal of deep themes that you can spend hours and days and weeks (etc etc) considering. However, they are short, quick-to-tell stories. Few are longer than 5 pages, and most vastly shorter than that. While tales like BlueBeard and The Brave Cobbler have a lot of depth, their descriptions are relatively short. They are put down quickly, with a great deal of 'wiggle room' for a child to imagine what the enemy looks like, how the hero comports himself, and what the princess is wearing. It's not like Coraline, where you can SEE the needles that make the witch's fingers - you have to imagine what a sugared glass window looks like.

And here is where the very important difference between 'children's' movies like Coraline and stories like Grimm's Fairy Tales diverge very distinctly - Coraline tells you, in every detail, what the story is and how it unfolds. The Grimm brothers allow children to fill in the blanks themselves - and if something is too much, they simply can skip over it.

It's very similar to the argument I have with children's toys today - they don't leave a lot of room for imagination. They dolls are fully articulated, fully featured, and completely out of room for a child's imagination. Castles are laden with nifty nooks and crannies that are already full of the creations of its makers - children don't have room to put down their own roots there.

What the Brothers Grimm did (whether or not intentionally) with their often incredibly dark children's stories was to leave kids room to imagine the story for themselves - they gave a relatively blank canvas with a lot of good structure for them to paint their own pictures with. Modern children's movies don't do that - and often actually shy away from leaving room for interpretation.

I will revisit this topic later, but the thought has been percolating for some time and I wanted to get it out. I'm interested to hear thoughts from others, though!

Awesome Esbats

2009-12-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the first Fellowship Esbat. The Esbats are a series of classes where we work on more advanced rituals together. We were mostly laying the groundwork at this session - going over the goals and objectives of the class.

Point 1: Gwaeron has an absolutely AMAZING collection of books. I am trying really hard to remember all the titles now - needless to say I will be dedicating a portion of Xmas money towards amassing them (in used condition, of course).

Point 2: It's going to be great working with the group that's forming now - we have a great range of talents and interests, which should definitely keep things lively and fresh but nice and functional.

Point 3: I think this is really just what I am looking for in terms of honing my skills and continuing to develop. A lot of good stuff is going on right now, and I feel like this is one of the big waves that will bring me closer to the shore.

More to come...

A Study of Fairy Tales: Part 1 Follow-Up

2009-12-04T13:20:00.003-05:00

I did not properly cite Ms. Kready's book in my last post, so here is the citation now for your future reference. This text is available as an e-book at a variety of locations all over the web - you can just search for the title and author name.

Kready, L. A Study of Fairy Tales. Houghton Mifflin Company. 1916.

I was very engaged by the concepts laid out in Ms. Kready's first chapter and introduction. The overall goal of this study is to learn more about the nature, structure, and telling of fairy tales, but her focus on using the same in early childhood education was really fascinating. I took some time to look through the Walden University database of articles, and found a few relating to the same topic.

I would like to point out, however, that since 1916 not much progress has been made in terms of using fairy tales to build up a strong foundation for future interest in literature - a lot of the articles I was finding focused on sexism and bias prevalent in fairy tales. While of course these are important issues that should be addressed, I think it is throwing the baby out with the bathwater to dismiss the value of these literary pieces to focus only on these negative aspects.

In that vein, I actually uncovered an article entitled "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's Action Research of Critical Literacy" by Ryan Bourke. Not only did this offer a case study of the use of fairy tales to develop literary criticism, it also dealt with some of the negative issues above, as Mr. Bourke discovered when presenting the stories to his class, all of whom were not of European descent.

Bourke offers a good definition of critical literacy, actually quoted from another article entitled "Girls, Social Class, and Literacy".

Critical literacy...is the act of approaching texts wearing a set of eyeglasses through which the reader examines and questions the familiar and comfortable.

Especially in its application to fairy tales, I find this definition to be most appropriate. There is very little more comforting than familiar stories from our childhood - but their inherent value comes not only from the 'mug of hot cocoa' response that is very superficial, but from an actual in-depth analysis not only of the story's message, but it's place in the readers time, in the authors time, the influence of the characters and their potentialities, and a number of other factors.

Another article, written by Maryellen Grebin, outlines suggestions for helping kids actively play out fairy tales. Bourke's work focuses mainly on discussion an analysis, but I feel strongly that Ms. Grebin's work also has an important role to play in helping children synthesize the information contained within the stories.

Her suggestions include a "Fairy Tale Museum", where the children are curators of props they bring in themselves to represent the different stories. She also read different versions of fairy tales, from countries all over the world. Many of her students had never before heard the different versions. She also had them grow actual bean seeds as a tool for discussion about Jack and the Beanstalk. They covered topics such as why a lot of fairy tales seem to revolve around girls, and introduced other stories with more of a balanced focus.

However, while this innovative approach is certainly fun and engaging, the addition of Bourke's critical analysis techniques are essential to fostering a truly deeper understanding of the material.

I highly recommend reading Bourke's article, as it includes several conversations amongst his students that really reflect the intensity of the impact that critical analysis of these stories can have on children and their ability to synthesize literature.

Resources:
Bourke, R. "First Graders and Fairy Tales: One Teacher's action Research of Critical Literacy". The Reading TEacher, 62(4) pp. 304-312

Grebin, M. "Fairy Tales Get Real". Teaching Pre K-8. Nov/Dec 2002, Vol. 33 Issue 3, p58

A Study of Fairy Tales (Laura F. Kready): Part 1

2009-12-02T13:28:00.004-05:00

I would first like to introduce this section by lamenting the lack of information available about Ms. Laura Kready, author of the book I recently downloaded to read: A Study of Fairy Tales. I had hope to introduce her to you, but I have no information regarding her, aside from the fact that she had this book published by Houghton Mifflen in 1916.

A Study of Fairy Tales is a fascinating book that both analyzes fairy tales, and provides very motivating evidence to prove the worth of the fairy tale's presence in early education (kindergarten - 1st grade). The introduction and first chapter of the book are devoted entirely towards establishing the worth of the fairy tale in traditional early educational curriculums, by both providing evidence of their worth in developing character traits and also providing information regarding their value as an art form separate from traditional literature.

One of my favorite quotes from this portion of the book actually is from the Introduction, written by Henry Suzzallo, Ph.D. (then President of the University of Washington):

"The diet of babes cannot be determined by the needs of grown-ups. A spiritual malnutrition which starves would soon set in if adult wisdom were imposed on children for their sustenance. The truth is amply illustrated by those pathetic objects of our acquaintance, the men and women who have never been boys and girls."

We all know someone who has suffered from a severe lack of proper stimulation as children - and I fear that many of the kids I know now will also suffer from this. Not from an overabundance of grown-up wisdom forced upon them, but because of the absolute dearth of worthless shows, books, and other falsely stimulating products of our media-driven culture. While there is, of course, inherent value in the (occasional) mindless episode of a NickToon or Cartoon Network feature, they shouldn't be the primary diet of childhood - I think the next 10 years (if not the past 5) will quickly convince us of the lack of moral structure or guidance offered by these empty shells.

By contrast, literature such as traditional fairy tales, and enriching stories not built on easily-merchandisable characters offer kids both the escape they need to keep them stimulated (after all, even us adults can barely stay tuned into the real world anymore), but also gives them a real and unmovable foothold in what is right and wrong, what is worth pursuing and what is worthless, and so on.

::set soap box aside::

Now that I've vented properly, on to Ms. Kready's work.

In the first chapter, she outlines the qualities of fairy tales that make them essential for any child's education. They are:

Fairy tales bring joy into child life.
Fairy tales satisfy the play spirit of childhood.
Fairy tales are play forms.
Fairy tales give the child a power of accurate observation.
Fairy tales strengthen the power of emotion, develop the power of imagination, train the memory, and exercise the reason.
Fairy tales extend and intensify the child's social relations.
The fairy tale as one form of the story is one part of the largest means to unify the entire work or play of the child.
Fairy tales employ leisure hours in a way that builds character.
Fairy tales afford a vital basis for language training and thereby take on a new importance in the child's English.

And most importantly to me, Ms. Kready's greatest point is made in the final paragraph of this first chapter.

"Then [after being acquainted with reading through fairy tales] reading will take purpose for him, and be accomplished almost without drill and practically without effort.

How better to keep our children interested in real, hearty literature that actually feeds the soul and fuels the heart, than to bring them up on the sweeter and kinder versions of the same?

Appeal to Freyja

2009-12-01T11:13:00.004-05:00

Last night I had a very interesting experience. I wrapped up my evening (of AWESOME fun with the Fellowship stuffing envelopes for the Tenafly Nature Center) by lighting a candle to Brighid and then another to Freyja, a little reflection and then a lot of hitting the hay.

At 12:30AM, my work cellphone rang (which never happens). I picked up the line, and there was a very distressed sounding woman on the other end. Now, my employer provides security and investigative services to corporations, but we do not do work for individuals. It can be a bit awkward, especially when I want to help people, but know that our policy restricts us and I have to protect the company by not offering my own brand of sage advice.

Without going into detail, her boyfriend was going ballistic over some calls in her call history. We couldn't provide services to her because she is an individual. However, after all my years of experience on various hotlines for women, I know when a situation is bad. Or at least I have a pretty good inkling.

So after having to tell this woman that we couldn't help her, I advised her to call law enforcement immediately. I told her that if she was scared and felt endangered, she needed to call someone right away, which she agreed to do. Then I had to do that hardest thing - hang up and hope for the best.

Instead of going back to bed and stewing incessantly about this woman's fate (my traditional coping method), I went right to my altar for Freyja. I told her what had happened and lit some incense as an offering to her, asking her to help guide this woman out of harms way and protect her from any danger. I let the smoke waft around my room for a while, then went to sleep feeling very calm, and very like I didn't need to be in control of the situation (a BIG thing for me).

It was wonderful to give up those worries and concerns and know that I had done all I could, and had asked for help outside of myself. I could rest in the knowledge that it was being given. It was a good night. And I'm grateful for her help. :-) Hail Freyja!

Something Worth Writing About

2009-11-15T19:40:00.003-05:00

It has been an awfully, awfully long time since I've productively blogged these past few seasons. I was a little lost in what I would be writing about - there aren't many people who would be actively interested in the comings and goings of my life, and I wouldn't want to subject anybody to that anyway.

After I stopped looking into the Irish Travelers (upon a sensible request from my father - when research starts requiring contacting law enforcement, it's probably good to back off), I suffered from a major lack of inspiration. I have a lot of education going on in my life right now - between the MBA program (looking to top off in November 2010!), various stops-and-starts in linguistic pursuits, and all the research I'm doing for spiritual stuff, I was surprised not to feel more inspired blog-wise. But I think I finally came up with something that will keep both me happy and engaged, and everybody else actually interested.

Fairytales! Not the Disney nonsense - while I like the animated mice in Cinderella as much as the next over-stimulated American, don't mistake those for anything other than watered-down versions of the real stories. I am talking about the real folklore, legends, and bed-time stories where not every ending was a happy one, and the good guys and bad guys were often not terribly easy to tell apart. I've always loved the Grimm fairy tales - and I became especially enamoured of even modern spinners of fairy-tales like George MacDonald. But the stories collected by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, and Iona and Peter Opie, those are what are truly worth study.

The Grimms and the Opies had a dedication to keeping to the truth of oral storytelling that few others during their time had an interest in. I find the Grimms particularly interesting, since the fairy tales they collected were a by-product of their real research. The brothers were linguists, and their dedication to tracking down the true patterns and origins of their language (German) were what enabled them to keep a clear focus on writing down the stories exactly as they were told.

Oral traditions are an extremely important part of every society's culture - the European folk stories that give us Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood (told to the Grimms by Wilhelm's own wife and chilhood friend), and countless others tell us an enormous amount about the cultures, mythology, traditions and beliefs of our forefathers.

I'll start my research focusing on the stories gathered by the Brothers Grimm. I'll try to keep up with one meaty post per week - it ought to be fun!

BUSY BUSY BUSY

2009-08-10T23:41:00.002-04:00

It has been a VERY exciting few days! Last week I was cleared of any more bladder tumors (three months before I have to get tested again, woo-hoo!), and I started setting out on some pretty fun ventures. Not to mention all the stuff (good stuff!) that's going on at work.

Right now I'm managing several large projects around the office, ranging from an upgrade of our accounting system to launching a graphics and standards manual for use of our logo. There's definitely enough going on to keep me busy, and it has been a fun time. I've been really lucky in how understanding everyone has been regarding my multiple medical absences - hopefully they have come to an end!

On top of that, there are lots of things going on at the shelter and I'm gearing up for school again in the fall - and that's on top of studyiing for my certification for a paralegal and as a certified associate in project management. I''m going to be drowning in certificates by the time I'm through!

I'm also launching some other exciting projects right now - more to come on those later. But for now, after almost killing myself with smoke inhalation from putting too much incense on my new charcoal burner (lesson learned), it's off to bed to get ready for another full day!!!

Lammas

2009-08-02T22:10:00.003-04:00

Today was the Fellowship's Lammas celebration. It was really wonderful - the Craft Night we held on Friday yielded some great bread, and I made a bit extra to 'fill in the gaps'. Jen, (one of the awesomest people ever) made a fantastic Lugh out of bread, and let's just say he was 'anatomically correct' :-D.

The ritual went fabulously - it was our first Open, and considering the TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR we experienced this morning, we had a great turnout. I got to see a few group members I haven't seen in a while, and there also a bunch of new faces. I'm hoping to see some of them at the Craft Night we have coming up in September, when we're making masks and costumes for Samhain.

The Fellowship has been really wonderful - I'm glad to be part of such an excellent group. They've really opened up my horizons spiritually, and I'm constantly challenged to stretch myself and exercise all my faith-muscles. It really is a great experience.

Last Saturday, I got to be a part of a really special ritual with the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel, down near Dover DE. It was a beautiful and intense ritual (and private, so no details), and I was honored to be a part of it. I'm hoping to have many more opportunities to work with them in the future.

Anywhoodles, that's all for now. Here's hoping I get to posting more regularly.

Offensive, or Good Fun?

2009-07-28T22:51:00.003-04:00

Ever since that ridiculous news story "News of the Weird" that covered pagans who blessed President Obama's inauguration this year, I've been a bit on edge in terms of how the media treats witches. On CNN today there is an article called: Calling All Witches: Cave In Need Of New Hag. I honestly can't tell if I'm just being overly sensitive, but GOODNESS.

Apparently some small town in England has a folk story about a witch who terrorized the village, blighting crops and causing all sorts of mischief. She was defeated when a cleric threw holy water on her, and was turned into stone. Since then, the town has built an amusement park and tourist trap around this myth. And apparently, part of the parcel is a full-time, live-in "witch" who lives in the cave that was supposedly the original witch's haunt.

So, okay. It's an old folk story and has value as a myth - albeit one that (as usual) portrays a woman being struck down by a representative of the patriarchal religion-in-charge. There are always going to be warty Halloween masks and Evil Witches of the West, but do we really need to have auditions for a live-in 'witch'?

I guess I'm probably drawing this out a bit further than it needs to be - 'all in good fun' and the whole bit. But it's an interesting question: how do we delineate between modern Witches, practitioners of paganism and the caricatured 'witches' of the past? Just some musings.

DnD

2009-07-12T18:11:00.001-04:00

I have to say, DnD is not nearly what I thought I would be. It is quite entertaining. More to come!

The Worthing Saga

2009-06-22T00:01:00.002-04:00

It has been a long time since I've been drawn into a fiction book, unable to put it down. However, I started reading "The Worthing Saga" on Friday, and it has absolutely sucked me in. I'm not even knitting in deference of reading, which is a big deal. I highly recommend it. I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much had I been able to find the synopsis I looked for online before I really got into it - I'm glad I couldn't find one. I won't publish one either, suffice to say you should read this book.

Radio Silence

2009-06-19T10:33:00.002-04:00

For the past month, things have been a little haywire. I haven't been able to write because of that, but I'm hoping that things are now calm enough to get back at least to 'relative' normal.

On May 7th, I had a tumor removed from my bladder, and it turned out to be a transitional cell carcinoma. At 24, with no history of smoking, drinking, or any other form of body abuse (aside from an excess of chocolate), I had cancer.

The good news is that of all the cancers out there, this is probably the easiest one to deal with. As long as you catch it early (which we did), you can just cut it out. The most difficult part of it is that I have to have cystoscopies regularly now, every three months for the first one or two years and then every six months after that, because this cancer has a recurrence rate of around 70%.

It's been eye opening. At first I was so upset, (I found out accidentally when my gynecologist shared a letter my urologist had sent to her regarding the tumor), but after I had time to calm down and actually talk to my doctor, I understood the diagnosis a lot better. It's apparently extremely rare in young, non-smoking women, but it happens. And the good news is, that as long as we're diligent and keep checking for recurrence, it shouldn't have any effect on my lifespan.

Thinking about anything having an effect on my lifespan at my age is a little sad. I'm turning 25 in less than 2 weeks, and I've already had two surgeries and forced menopause to treat my endometriosis, and now I've also had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my bladder. I think I deserve nothing but colds for a little while.

I debated a long time about posting anything regarding this, because I didn't want to elicit the sympathy, angsty thing. However, I think it's important that anyone who reads this (I know there are a few of you) knows that it's always important to listen to your body and follow your doctor's advice.

If I had ignored the UTIs that kept cropping up and passing them off as nothing more than new evidence of a weak immune system, the cancer could have gotten much worse. I'm so glad I took action to find out what was wrong with me - and I always encourage anybody else to do the same. There's never a time that's too inconvenient or too difficult to protect your health and your body.

PS - We named the tumor Buford. May he rest in peace and stay beneath his fucking gravestone. No zombie tumors rising from the dead to plague me again, please.

Thank You

2009-05-05T09:49:00.001-04:00

I just wanted to take a moment to say "THANKS!!!" to everyone who was so sweet and supportive during Norn's illness. She's doing so much better - better enough to fight me (rather successfully) when I try to give her her antibiotics. :-)

She is definitely on the mend, and with a spleen that will (hopefully) continue to shrink, she'll be back to normal in no time.

And while I of course would never wish illness on her, I must say that this sickness has caused an enormous change in her personality. Even with Sonny staying with me, she spent Sunday night on the bed, and actually stands still and lets me pet her when she's walking around the apartment. She and Freyja have been playing a lot, and she is more assertive when Frigga invades her space.

At least we have our silver lining - and I know what to do in case of nasty kitty pneumonia!!!

Thank you again, everyone.

Norn Watch: Day 3

2009-04-29T09:37:00.002-04:00

After two days of recuperation from the apparent onset of her symptoms, Norn seems to be doing a lot better. She's breathing much more easily, and seems to be much more relaxed. She doesn't growl when I pick her up anymore, which tells me that her gas pain (from swallowing air while she was trying to breathe) has gone away, and hopefully her spleen may be going down.

She even seems to understand that the enormous dose of liquid antibiotics I give her every morning is a necessary (if unpleasant) thing - she isn't spitting them out anymore.

The other two kitties, Frigga and Freyja, have been very respectful of Norn's space during this time - they're starting to close in again, which tells me that they know she's feeling better too.

::BIG SIGH OF RELIEF::

We have a follow-up appointment next Monday, so by then we should know more about what's going on. Thanks!

When it rains...

2009-04-28T14:36:00.002-04:00

I came home from work yesterday, pretty drained about everything that had happened with Taz. My comfort is that he was 16, and had a pretty darn-tootin' amazing life - every summer getting to while away the hours running free on the family island, being spoiled absolutely rotten by our family, having a big wooded backyard to run around in at his leisure. He had a pretty awesome life, and we were very lucky to have him be a part of our family.

So after reeling from his loss (despite being expected, it still hurt), I came home to spend some time with my little animals. I fed the cats, and took Pan out for a quick 'walk' in the backyard. When I came back inside, I could hear Norn yowling - not unusual, she goes through yowling phases on and off.

But when I realized that she was yowling TO me, calling me, I realized something was wrong. Norn is a 'recovering feral', and while she is an amazing and loving cat, she is not big into the cuddles. So when she begs me to come pet her and rub her ears, cries out when I get up to leave, I know something is up. That coupled with odd panting (it was hot yesterday, but not THAT hot), had me whisk her to the vet's.

I was fully expecting that Dr. Morris would give me a pat on the head and a 'try not to be a hypochondriac FOR your cat' speech. Instead, she came out and told me she was very concerned - Norn's breathing was extremely labored, and her stomach was distended.

At first we thought it might be FIP or some other horrendous disease, so I stood in Petsmart bawling like a child, thinking that yesterday would see me say a long-distance goodbye to Taz and a way-too-soon goodbye to Norn. But after waiting at the vet clinic for hours, an X-Ray and an Ultrasound (not to mention a toe-curling vet bill), we discovered that Norn has acute pnemonia, coupled with an extremely swollen spleen.

Goddam spleens. They always get in the f*cking way. So, we know for sure she has a bacterial infection - either it's standalone (which is pretty unlikely given her spleen), or is secondary to a virus or cancer. A virus can't be treated, so we're just treating the bacterial infection and riding out the virus (if there is one). If it's cancer, her symptoms would indicate that it's very advanced, and there's nothing much we can do.

I'm trying to keep her comfortable. Last night I stayed up the whole night, lying beside her on the floor for hours, petting her and trying not to fall asleep. A couple times I gave up and tried to climb into bed, but she would cry and cry for me, and I ended up piling some pillows on the floor and just sleeping next to her. I felt bad leaving her alone, and was worried that letting her cry would hurt her lungs.

Today she seems more comfortable - the gas pain she was experiencing from swallowing air while trying to breath seems to have abated, and she's resting. She's still crying a lot, but it's not as insistent as it was yesterday. I hated leaving her alone today, but I had to go to work. After checking up on her at lunch, I'm pretty confident that she's at least okay for now, and more comfortable than she was yesterday.

We won't know what the ultimate outcome of this will be until it happens - either she'll be better, or she won't be. Only one thing is for sure - when it rains, it really pours, doesn't it?

The Passing of a Titan

2009-04-27T14:26:00.002-04:00

When I was about 14, my family adopted a 2 year old dog named Taz. He was amazing, and we got him from the local shelter. When he came to us, it was obvious that he had not been in a good home - he shied away from our hands like we were going to hit him, was deathly afraid of water, and was EXTREMELY skinny.

14 years later, he was a happy watermelon of a dog that absolutely adored everyone. He was so sweet and gentle and just the perfect pup - one of the most 'grateful' animals I have ever met. Taz would be content to have his hand shook for hours, and grew very adept at flipping dangling hands up over his neck to be petted.

Today, Taz passed away from kidney failure. I know exactly where he is right now - running at top speed all over the family island up in Canada, just like he did when he was younger. It's always going to be summer for him there, and there will be no end of smelly messes to investigate, squirrels to chase, water to stand in and pontificate, and daylilies to crush by lying on them. We'll be petting him with our hearts from now on - we miss you, Taz.

Pagan Crafts! (Ostara)

2009-04-07T12:43:00.006-04:00

With Ostara well behind us and Beltane creeping up (well, SPRINTING more than creeping, but whatever...), it's hard to believe the year is passing by so quickly. I guess as you get older, your frame of reference for the passage of time continues to increase, which (inversely) causes your actual experience of the days going by to decrease. EXPONENTIALLY.

I've had several wonderful opportunities to get more involved with the Fellowship up here in Northern New Jersey. I got to be the 'Kitchen Witch' for Ostara, and helped organize the Craft Night for the ritual. I wasn't able to attend because of an illness, (which has yet to go away, but that's another story), but I was able to organize and get everything together. A sweet woman from the Fellowship actually opened her home and ran the event, which was the hard part (she gets the glory for this one!).

Since it was our first foray into Pagan Craft Night, we made it pretty simple - just Ostara Eggs decorated with various spring-y symbols. The woman I mentioned earlier actually got the PAAS egg decorating kit that comes with gold leaf to rub onto your eggs (they were gorgeous!).

Check out the finished product:

I made up a 'craft instruction sheet' for the eggs, but we were unfortunately unable to use them as we had intended - they were left unrefridgerated and could not be eaten! You can check out the Ostara Eggs Instruction Sheet in PDF below, though.

Qabal-tastic!!!

2009-03-26T22:59:00.004-04:00

Well, we had another great Roundtable with the Fellowship, studying the "Chicken Qabalah" (which I highly recommend). I absolutely adore this book - it dives into the Qabalah with the reverent yet carefree curiosity and joy of the Fool.

We had a lot of great insights tonight, and I found myself sharing something that I didn't even know I truly felt. We were discussing the Star trump in the Tarot deck, which is Tzaddi, the 28th path. This is the path between the Sephiroth Netzach (Victory) and Yesod (Foundation). It relates to words like hunt, capture, and adversary.

I'll be honest - I'm not terribly good with Tarot. I'm trying to learn, and honestly the Qabalah has taught me more in a month and a half than I have picked up in years of ardent (well, relatively ardent...okay, sort of ardent) study. But looking at Tzaddi in relation to the Star trump really brought up this fountain of understanding I didn't even know I had.

In the Rider-Waite tarot deck, The Star is the image of a young woman kneeling, half on land and half in a pond. She is pouring out two vessels of water, one into the water and one onto the earth. I have seen other decks where she is a white-skinned huntress, with a quiver strung across her back. She is leaping across a stream, with one foot on each side. To me, this card represents the singular and independent strength of femininity - she needs no sun to light her, and no other celestial influences cross her path. She hunts alone, and is terrible and beautiful in her solitude. Her strength is built on a foundation of the most primal intuition, the rawest form of a woman's sense.

Though she embodies the powers of woman, she is not a nurturing character. Nor is she actively cruel - she represents an independence that is awesome and lonely, the pinnacle of feminine power. But she is lesser than her other feminine counterparts, because no part of the universe can exist apart from all the other parts - her solitude, to me, is her only weakness, but also her greatest strength.

So much for neutral ground...

2009-03-23T11:17:00.004-04:00

An article on CNN today shared that South Africa just refused a visa to the Dalai Lama, a visa that was requested to facilitate his attendance at an international peace conference in Johannesburg.

The archbishop Demond Tutu and F. W. DeKlerk are now boycotting the event, and I encourage all other leaders attending the conference to do the same.

Productive peace discussions can only take place on neutral ground, and South Africa has blatantly demonstrated that they do not intend to provide such a field for discussions. By bowing to China, (with whom they have profitable trade negotiations), and disallowing this visit by a nobel laureate, they hearken back to the days of Nelson Mandela's imprisonment.

They thinly veiled their refusal by saying it would take away from their hosting of the 2010 World Cup (HUH?!?) in a ridiculous attempt to save face.

I am ashamed of South Africa's actions, and hope that others see this ridiculous power-play for what it is.

Interesting WitchVox discussion

2009-03-19T18:11:00.003-04:00

There's a fascinating discussion currently playing out on one of the Witchvox boards, relating to this article written by Kathryn Joyce comparing the "Extreme Motherhood" of Nadya Suleman and the 18+ Duggar Family. There are a lot of great comments and input from the community there - check it out and chip in your two cents.

Here was my response to the article, and the comments preceding mine...

ArachneDefiant (Whippany, New Jersey)

First of all, it is so awesome to be a part of such an active and idea-prolific pagan community. It's great to see so many people free to voice their opinions.

That said - here here to Snow Phoenix and the others who are holding back from wholesale ideology-bashing. I completely understand where a lot of you are coming from, but I think we need to take a quick step back in regards to how we view cases like the Suleman's vs. the Duggars.

I do not agree with Quiverfull's tenets, and find some of them to be a little out there. The same can be said of Mormonism, or basically any other religious tradition of which I am not a part. However, I don't think it makes sense to say that just because I'm not floating with their tide, doesn't mean that they aren't happy.

Cults like the FLDS take clear and blatant advantage of the women and children in their care - isolationism is frighteningly pervasive, and their marriage practices are proven to force young women and girls into the marriage bed.

However, if a Mormon woman (not FLDS, mind you, but normal Mormon) , is happy and fulfilled and content with the life she leads, who on earth am I to tell her that she's wrong? I would be perfectly happy to carry on a discourse regarding her religious choices versus mine, but it's up to her and only her to decide what makes her happy.

If she's a healthy, intellectually sound woman who is a happy camper staying at home with the kiddlies and doing her husband's bidding, then who on earth am I to say different? She could just as easily cry out in horror at my lifestyle, at my concept of god (or gods :-D) , and my choices regarding childrearing.

Let's take a moment to compare the Suleman mother and the Duggar family. Nadya Suleman is a woman who has made a series of decisions that are bad for herself and her family, and not simply because we don't ideologically agree. She can't feed the children she has, takes our tax dollars to take care of kids who don't seem to be getting the attention they need anyway, and still seems to find time (and money) to have beautifully manicured nails and professionally styled hair.

On the other hand, we have the Duggars. Who, most definitely, are a little out there in their beliefs. However, their kids are well fed, relatively well adjusted, and seem to be a lot more capable of taking on responsibilities than some of the 2 or 3 kid families I run into regularly.

Honestly, I have watched the Duggar's programs and have seen, in particular, Mrs. Duggar during interviews. She absolutely glows. She smiles, she looks lovingly to her husband and children, and holds herself proudly.

I see no signs in her that would indicate abuse, brainwashing, or any other forms of degradation. I would hope that her children, daughters in particular, would be free to choose the lifestyle they want for themselves. Not all of them will probably grow up to be like their mother. But some of them probably will.

And you know what? If they are happy, more power to them. There are lots of people who oppose gay marriage who use a lot of the same arguments I see on this board today - "how could they think this is right", "obviously they are fundamentally out of their minds", etc. etc.

If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone, have as many babies as you want. If you have the means and the desire to be home with your 18 youngins, go for it. Who am I to say otherwise?

Gardening - Getting Out There!

2009-03-17T18:47:00.002-04:00

I absolutely love gardening. Right now, I'm actually recovering from a rather nasty illness, so fantasizing about spending time outdoors is a great way to pass the time in bed. And the great authors over at 2 Witches actually put up this post today specifically about the value of gardening!

With Ostara looming right around the corner (how did it get to be the middle of March?!?), it's the perfect time to start planning out how to work with the earth to create a beautiful outdoor sacred space, that can nourish our bodies with fruits and vegetables, nourish our spirits with good ol' fashioned outdoor work, and nourish our spirituality by connecting us with the Goddess.

I'm looking forward to planning out my garden this year - I want some morning glories and other climbing plants to adorn the otherwise blank exterior of my apartment. I'd also like to put down some marigolds and other 'sunny' plants to celebrate the beauty of the sun. And of course, I'm putting in some herbs and veggies to keep my tummy happy.

More to come - but for now, it's a fun fantasy. Indulge yourself in some pre-planting imaginations!

Handfasting

2009-03-05T22:37:00.002-05:00

On Witchvox today there's a great article about handfasting (courtesty of author Zan Fraser), which covers this rather ancient rite from an Elizabethan perspective. As I usually equate handfasting with that wonderful scene from Braveheart (Mel Gibson, Huzzah!), it was interesting to consider it from the more rigid and (dare I say) 'civilized' Elizabethan version.

I would like to incorporate some version of handfasting in the ceremony my fiance and I have next May, but I want to keep it low key. This is not only because I don't want to upset any of the narrower minds on our guest list (no offense meant, it's just a reality of their condition). I also don't want the ceremony to be too much of anything. I want those who are watching to be able to see themselves and their partners, either was they were or as they hope to be, in our faces.

Sharing such a special moment with everyone's collective subconscious would be pretty nifty.

Just sayin'.

In any case, it's a great article and I recommend it.

Wonderful Transition

2009-03-05T22:19:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine, Maggi, posted on her blog recently about the pain and joy of transition and change. This past year has been a time of enormous change for me - a lot of letting go and a lot of treading new paths. Last December I moved to New Jersey from PA to take a job (which I adore). Moving away from my family and then-boyfriend (now fiance!) was (and is) one of the hardest things I had to do.

However, my move gave me the chance to grow and evolve as a person that I never could have done without such an enormous catalyst. I'm learning to truly express my pagan spirituality, to rely on myself to get things done in every context, and to deal with life one on one.

I have an amazing partner in this life, and the wonderful support of my family. I am so lucky to be where I am today, especially when I have begun to discover myself and truly explore my individuality.

Blessed be, and thanks be for all the wonder of my life.

Hell yes! I'm a Chicken Qabalist!

2009-02-28T21:22:00.003-05:00

I had an absolutely great book club meeting on Thursday night this week. The Fellowship (again, coolest Pagan group around) has set up a series of "Roundtables" where we will be studying the book "Chicken Qabalah" by Lon Milo Duguette. Lon is an awesome author with a GREAT sense of humor - and a lot of excellent practical experience and knowledge to back it up. On Thursday, we met at one of the coolest houses I've been in (thank you to the folks who put us up!), with a fireplace and wood floors and nice plush (old style!) chairs.

We had a great discussion, that ran the gamut from the Goddess figure in Feri tradition to personal struggles to (of course) Chicken Qabalah. Basically, this book is just a primer on occult Qabalah, presented in a nice, easy to follow format. I'll follow up with more Chicken Qabaltastic wonderment later - but for now, definitely check it out on Amazon. Totally worth it.

BREAK

2009-02-23T23:16:00.001-05:00

Had to take a break...

Between writing a paper on (hang on, let me check what the title of this goddam thing is before I get it wrong) 'Management Control in the Context of Organizational Theories" and studying the history of American Law (for my paralegal course), my brain is melting.

MELTING

At least Freyja is playing with one of her springs. That will bring me joy as I feel my grey matter seeping out of my ears (there's nothing quite like watching a kitten walk around with a spring hanging out of her mouth). She's taken to jumping into the IKEA cat tent with it, and bouncing it off the walls in there. It's hilarious.

::sigh::

Back to the melting.

Rest in Peace, Socks...

2009-02-21T01:01:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Socks the cat (of the Clinton family) passed away. He had battled cancer for months, and was put to sleep mid-morning.

Thank you to Betty Currie for taking care of this stray who found a home at the most powerful house in America.

Sleep well, Socks.

NEW BLOG!!!

2009-02-19T12:55:00.001-05:00

Not to take attention away from this, my inane (oops, did I say that?) normal blog, but I have started up a NEW BLOG to chronicle my adventures in Geocaching!

You can visit the blog by going to http://faigh-amach.blogspot.com, where I have posted Finding OUT. Faigh Amach means 'finding out' in Gaelic, and since I figured the English version was taken, here we have my creative way 'round.

Nothing super-interesting is up there yet, but this weekend I'm hoping to find some caches by my parent's house!!!

Finding OUT

WW and Cat Ears

2009-02-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

So, this week's WW update is...

Down another 2.8 pounds! So in total, I've lost 12.8 pounds, which brings me down to 208.4. YAY! I've got to say, working with the WW routine is really great - I don't feel deprived at all, (though a bit hungry sometimes), and I (obviously) am really seeing results. Hopefully I'll be able to fit into all my clothes from last year soon!

I found out on Monday that poor little Frigga apparently has an ear infection. :-( Last night was the first night I had to put drops in their ears myself, and let's just say - it wasn't pleasant. I tried really hard to make it low-impact for them, but everybody got stressed out, and they didn't want to be near me afterwards. It was really depressing, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's for their own good.

Here are the little angels themselves...

I'm hoping for a speedy recovery!!! I don't like my little ones being afraid of me and the ear-dropper of doom...

Daytona 500 - Solid Finishes and Rain-Outs

2009-02-16T14:23:00.000-05:00

First of all, congrats to Matt Kenseth for a 1st place finish in the 51st running of the Daytona 500! Though the race was washed out at lap 152 (the total race is 200 laps long), it was full of excitement and a win for a good team. Kevin Harvick could possibly have pulled off a second Daytona win for his career, but finished well in 2nd and has a promising season ahead of him. (No, I wouldn't be singing the same tune if it was Tony in Harvick's place, but blogger's prerogative - I can be biased!!!) However, as Harvick pointed out...

"But, you know, it's also kind of bittersweet, I guess you could say, for the fact that Matt is the one that pushed me to my Daytona 500 win [in 2007]. In the end, it's kind of weird how that stuff works out."

My boy, Tony Stewart, represented himself well, finishing 8th after starting 5th. Ryan Newman, Stewart's teammate in the Stewart Haas garage, finished and started 36th. I will end that discussion by stating that Newman has lots of room to move up during this season, and I am sure he will.

It was exciting to see Tony run his first race as an owner/driver. He did a great job - led a lap, finished in the top 10, and proved that he has lost nothing when gaining his new responsibilities. I'm really excited to see how this season shapes up!!!

As an aside - Junior had a tough race, and did not put forth a very good front about the whole thing. There was an interesting article at Nascar.com that really captured a lot of what I think this guy must be going through. He's a good man, and a good driver - but as I've always said, he isn't his father. And maybe that mantle is finally starting to weigh him down.

WW Update

2009-02-11T17:52:00.000-05:00

So, I avoided talking about WW last week because, due to my trip into NYC with our sales directors, I had gained 1.2 pounds. ::sob::

HOWEVER. There is a happy ending to this story. When I weighed in yesterday, it was with a 1.8 pound loss - bringing me to 10 pounds lost total! That is officially 5% of my body weight - I am halfway to my first goal of 10%!!! For me, this is really enormous. I don't think I've lost that much weight, intentionally (mono diet excluded, of course), ever. I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 16, with a major flareup over the past year. And for the longest time, I was really in denial that I was overweight.

But then, I saw a picture of myself that Sonny took...

And I realized that I can't be in denial anymore. Between that and my doctor (gently) suggesting that my cholesterol was a bit high earlier this year (I'M 24, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!), I know that I was, and continue to be overweight.

However. I really feel like Weight Watchers has given me a diet I can really follow and not feel totally deprived. I track EVERYTHING I eat, and even that act alone, (without including the actual dieting part), has made a huge impact on how I look at food. I used to drink fruit juice instead of water - ALL THE TIME. And soda? It was my lifeblood.

Since I started this diet, I get one, maybe two glasses of juice a day. I drink water the rest of the time. And instead of soda? Herbal teas. I used to drink just blank orange pekoe with LOADS of cream and sugar. Now, I'm being introduced to all sorts of gourmet teas (some courtesy of Harry Schwartz, whose blog is awesome...), and they're great. I don't really feel like I'm missing out.

And even more - when I DO treat myself to soda (which I have!), I really enjoy it. I don't just wolf it down, order another, and another and another... I really APPRECIATE the food I eat now. I don't just scarf until I feel so ridiculously full I can't take it. I can even turn food down - and I'm doing it more and more often, as I feel less hungry all the time.

I know a lot of my eating has to do with my emotions. And taking this step to say, "No, that sort of eating is unhealthy", has been amazing.

It's not always going to be fun and new and interesting to me. But I want to make a concerted effort to make this not just a diet - but a change in the way I eat. And I hope I'm off to a good start.

Imbolc Ritual - Amazing!!!

2009-02-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Well, it's another hit from the Fellowship! Last night we had an Imbolc ritual, and it was fabulous. It was a wonderful, open environment, and I truly felt welcomed. I even got to participate in the ritual, and called the West quarter. It's a whole different experience when you're spiritually exercising like that as a group. I really had a blast.

One of the parts of the ritual was when Maggi, one of our fearless leaders, 'aspected' the countenance of Brighid. It was a really amazing experience, and it gave me clarity on how to move forward with my spirituality. I was told to keep Brighid's flame, and pray to her on the 20th day - and so here we are at day one. Maggi sweetly gave me a candle and a great chant to invoke the spirit of Brighid while lighting the candle:

Holy Well, Sacred Flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One, Be Here
Bright One, Be Here.

It's simple and sweet, and I really like it. I found two other prayers on the internet (ah, the glorious tubes) to turn this into a daily ritual that can be replenished as I need it. Here's my basic structure:

------------------------------

MORNING:
This morning, as I kindle the flame upon my hearth, I pray that the flame of Brighid may burn in my soul, and the souls of all I meet today.

I pray that no envy and malice, no hatred or fear, may smother the flame.

I pray that indifference and apathy, contempt and pride, may not pour like cold water on the flame.

Instead, may the spark of Brighid light the love in my soul, that it may burn brightly throughout the day.

And may I warm those who are lonely, whose hearts are cold and lifeless, that all may know the comfort of Brighid's love.

::light candle::

Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near

EVENING:
Holy well, sacred flame,
Maiden, Mother, Crone,
Bright One Be Near
Bright One Be Near

::extinguish candle::

Brighid, preserve the fire, as we are preserved.

Brighid, may its warmth remain in our midst, as you are always among us.

Brighid, may it rise to life in the morning, as we rise to life.

Then throughout the day I'd use the "Holy Well/Sacred Flame" chant when I feel the need, whether it be for praise or for support.

------------------------------

More to come on the development of this mini-tual.

"Unfriended" - from Cakelet

2009-02-05T11:33:00.000-05:00

I read an awesome blog called Cakelet, and the author recently posted about a friend that she had lost, the only friend she had ever been wronged by.

Her gracious, kind response to her friend's betrayal was so complete and so genuine that I was deeply moved. I can be petty, cruel, and so thoughtless when I feel that I have been wronged. I am judgmental, quick to anger, and slow to recant. Thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who rarely set off my temper - in truth, it is more often myself than any others combined that make me angry.

But going back to Cakelet's post - I am reminded of the one friend by whom I have felt truly and deeply wronged. While we still remained 'friends' after this incident, I have forever been harboring feelings of betrayal and hurt since this happened. I am writing this post today in honor of the season of light which began with Imbolc on the 2nd, in celebration of the return of the sun. I hold up this hardened and cold part of my heart to be exposed to the light, and therefore warmed.

When I was 16, I became pregnant. Being young, stupid, and selfish, I was terrified and simply took the instructions of those who were not acting in my or my child's best interest. There was one person I reached out to while I was still pregnant, to let her know about what had happened and ask for her help. I remember very clearly, walking down the ramp from the cafeteria to class in my high school, with her at my side, telling her I had a secret and needed help.

She looked me straight in the face and said (ironically), "Well, as long as you're not pregnant, anything!". I was so stunned I said nothing, just stared at her (with a face probably white as a sheet). She stood looking at me for a moment, and then realizing what my silence meant, she immediately shook her head and looked away. "Don't say anything else," she said, "or I won't be able to talk to you or be your friend anymore".

So, silenced, I continued walking down the corridor with her and sealed my lips firmly, vowing not to talk to anyone else.

I have never shared about this before. Now that my blog is known to so many of my friends and family, I almost hesitate to write it down. But honestly, this was one of the pivotal moments in my life, and it defined me and my feelings for a long time.

I wrote this to cleanse myself of my anger, and honestly, I do feel better. I forgive her. She was young and scared, as I was, and in her fear reacted as I had: shutting down. So I forgive her. I truly forgive her, for she was never at fault for reacting as she did. I will let this go now, like a candle floating away on the waves, and fill in another dark hole in my heart with renewing earth. Let's hope something else grows there now.

Weight Watchers: Week 3 Weigh-In (& More!)

2009-01-27T22:58:00.000-05:00

So, the number after my third weigh-in is...::drumroll please::...

211.8!

Down another 2.4 pounds, for a total of 9.4. Not too bad, for two weeks of dieting. I know it's probably going to be a slow-and-steady type of race after this, but I'm happy that I am making such good progress. A friend of mine (very wisely) had a long discussion with me after my WW meeting yesterday, reminding me that healthy eating habits are a lifetime decision and I can't expect all my weight to slough off overnight - and it would come right back on, besides.

I feel a bit silly writing about weight loss when I just consumed 50 POINTS IN ONE MEAL. I get 28 per day. I'm rather ashamed, but honestly, I had small portions of everything I ate. It was a business dinner and my boss wanted me to 'have fun'...too bad I didn't have my Eating Out guide with me, or I would have only had 3 oz of beef (at 7 points!) instead of six. Let alone the rolls. Or the soda. Or the ice cream...

The long and short is that I have to be good for the rest of the week. It's not like I suffer at all on 28 points per day. Soon, (hopefully!), I'll be going down to 27, so I need to be ready. I think a decadent dinner once in a while is okay - but only once in a while! I'm going to The Melting Pot with my sister on Saturday (she's coming to visit - YAY!!!), but I can still enjoy myself there without totally pigging out.

NEXT TOPIC: FranklinCovey!

So, the reason I went to a super-fancy (and fattening!) dinner tonight is because I am in New York City for the week for a sales strategy meeting and a FranklinCovey training course, which we had today. I've been using a FranklinCovey planning system for about a year and a half now - and while it has helped, I understand now that I was really only using it as a glorified to-do list, and there is so much more that I could accomplish in terms of time management.

I made a lot of professional and personal resolutions that I would really like to stick to - consider this another one of my resolutions for the year. (I should really update with my progress on all of those...perhaps this weekend!) However, we did a really great exercise today which was: Determining Your Governing Values.

Here are mine:
- Moderation
- Tranquility
- Order
- Resolution
- Sincerity
- Justice
- Generosity
- Gratitute
- Responsibility

We did this exercise as an echo of a personal exercise of Benjamin Franklin's. When he was 27 (only three years older than me!) , he sat down one night and wrote a list of governing values in his life. Every day, for the rest of his tenure on earth, he would go over those values and take stock of how he had or had not worked to achieve each of them. He wasn't going for perfection: just an effort towards it.

I find this terribly admirable, and think it to be an excellent exercise. So, with the nine values I have mentioned, I am going to try each day to better myself by following them. I'll let you know how it goes.

But tell me - what are YOUR governing values?

My kitties...

2009-01-23T22:59:00.001-05:00

:::sigh::

So, I found out on Tuesdya night that both Freyja and Frigga have HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). I have known that Freyja has it since this summer - we found out about Frigga when they accidentally performed the follow-up echo on Frigga (apparently it's hard to tell my little ones apart...)

Anyway. It just brought back all the uncertainty and sadness I felt when Freyja was first diagnosed. When I dropped them off for their physicals (I just enrolled them in Banfield's awesome Optimum Wellness Plan), I was having these horrible intrusive daymares about having to put Freyja down.

I need to focus on the fact that they are healthy and I am doing all I can to keep them that way. Ah, the power of positive thought...

HAPPY NEW PRESIDENT DAY

2009-01-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

7 POUNDS

2009-01-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

No, not the movie.

7 pounds is how much I lost my first week on Weight Watchers. And honest to goodness, I didn't even really feel like I was dieting.

Sure, I was hungry a bit more often than I used to be - but not bone-aching, stomach churning hungry, just sort of - oh, maybe I should eat - hungry.

I ate tilapia and fruit and even a twix bar and an Arby's sandwich. I had juice and ice-cream and, quite frankly, thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't feel deprived. I didn't feel forced. And now, 7 pounds lighter, I feel great.

I know next week probably won't be as spectacular. But today I'm going to the gym, and I've also resolved to try a new Shiva yoga tomorrow night.

But for right now, I am just pleased as punch (which, by the way, is only 2 points if you drink the all-natural, no-sugar-added stuff. Which is quite good. :-D)

Weight Watchers: ENGAGE!

2009-01-15T13:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, welcome to my first week of Weight Watchers. I'm halfway through now, and it is has been a very interesting experience so far.

I went to my first meeting at 12:30 in Denville, NJ last week. The people there were very pleasant (especially the British woman who weighed me in originally), and the group was pleasant, if a little less positive than I had anticipated. There were a lot of people saying, "I was so HUNGRY last week...". I don't mean to diminish their discomfort, I have had the nips of hunger too this week, but I can't help but thank my lucky stars that I was born in a country where I can pay to LOOSE weight.

Anyway. So, I've been sticking to the points all this week. I weighed in at a WHOPPING 221.2 pounds, which is so unacceptable I can't even begin to discuss it. I'm planning to share my weight loss each week on this blog, to follow my progress along my "New Year's Resolutions".

I get to have 29 "Points" of food every day. And while I was initially quite resistant to the whole Weight Watchers idea, I have to say that I have really enjoyed the flexibility it gives me. For instance, on Monday, I had barely used up half of my points for the day. I was proud of myself, but Mom immediately corrected me and told me to use up all the points every day - apparently that's just as important as not over-eating. So, I went home, made myself a vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup sundae, and watched a movie. And no, the treat was not low-fat in the least. Ordinary, everyday ice-cream that really hit the spot. I just didn't have a huge bowlful, and I ate it slowly. That helped a lot.

Instead of ordering my favorite gourmet macaroni and cheese at a company luncheon this week (at the wonderful Tabor Road Tavern right down the road from our office), I had a caesar salad, beautiful pan-seared tilapia on a bed of spinach, and a goblet of berries. It was a big meal, but still low on points, and you can bet your bippie I enjoyed every bite of it.

Even more interesting, I don't think I've ever really TASTED the leaves of a salad before. At least, not the ordinary non-bitter ones. When I was served that caesar salad, I hadn't eaten yet (an accident of workload, not intentional). It was PHENOMENAL. I really enjoyed it, like I don't think I've enjoyed food for a while.

So I'm excited about weighing in next Monday and seeing if I've made any progress. I know this is going to be a long, slow, road, but I hope I'm ready for it.

LOLZ

2009-01-12T10:22:00.001-05:00

To make this Monday a little bit brighter...

New Class: Accounting

2009-01-11T11:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so. I am a Marketing major (my undergrad degree). I am currently in an MBA program for a concentration in Project Management. Let's be honest and say that I'm not interested in the numbers side of business - I like theory and practice.

My accounting class for my MBA started this past week. I am nervous, especially since I did so badly in accounting as an undergrad (I did pass). I make no pretensions at being good with numbers - but hopefully I'll be able to come out of this unscathed.

Luckily, we are still doing discussions (which should be a great grade boost, hopefully). Here's my first one:

PROMPT: After reading the report, “Control Overrides in Financial Statement Fraud: A Report to the Institute for Fraud Prevention,” tell your colleagues what you have learned about financial statement fraud. What does it mean to “engineer financial results?” What are the challenges associated with this practice, and is there ever any “grey area?” Are there any situations in which it might be considered ethical to engineer financial results? Does your answer change in the context of a small, family-owned business versus a major global corporation?

The most important piece of information I drew from this article was actually a strong, concise definition of what exactly financial statement fraud is. Everyone knows of this fraud; it is prevalent in many aspects of modern business reporting, both in terms of discovery and its repercussions in the market. However, as with any other disease or ailment, this sickness of modern business can be made a lot less scary by properly naming it.

Authors Robert Tillman and Michael Indergaard quoted William Black in concisely explaining the nature of financial statement fraud:

"Situations in which those who control firms or nations use the entity as a
means to defraud customers, creditors, shareholders, donors, or the general
public." (Black, 2005)

Engineering financial results is the equivalent to working with statistics. Numbers can be interpreted to mean almost anything that you want them to mean - engineering results is simply presenting facts and data in such a way as to support your particular view or opinion of the results. While many people believe that facts are 'cold and hard', unfortunately the "Law and Order" version of reality only exists on television. The prompt for this discussion asked us to address whether there was ever a 'grey area' in financial reporting. I believe that any financial reporting can be in a grey area. The truest information can always be found in the simplest presentation that is closest to the information's original source - the further you get from that point, the grayer the area is.

When we speak of distance from the point of information integrity, an important quantifying aspect is time. While scandals like Enron and Fannie Mae remain in the public consciousness, one of the key problems I see in addressing issues of financial statement fraud is the passage of time. While bodies such as the SEC do move to enforce regulations and dole out penalties, the time that elapses between the point of discovery and the point of enforcement speaks loudly to both those who consider committing fraud and those who are victims of it. With an average response time of 4.7 years between the act of fraud itself and an enforcement release from the SEC, there is little incentive in the short term to avoid the temptations of fraud (Deloitte, 2008).

Other major points that must be considered when considering the engineering of financial information are its most popular manifestations. According to a study by Deloitte, 'revenue recognition' fraud schemes are by far the most prevalent (at 41%), and of those the recording of fictitious revenue is the most common offshoot (at 35%). While it can be said that falsification of revenue is a pretty straightforward and (one would think) relatively easy to detect form of fraud, authors Tillman and Indegaard demonstrate that fraud draws strength from numbers.

"Groups that once acted as control agents who enforced formal rules of
accountability on firms are now part of an array of "reputational
intermediaries"

These intermediaries create a network of conspirators in which no-one feels 'directly' responsible for allowing fraud to pass through the cracks - though everyone may be peripherally aware of it, there is no one point at which someone feels directly accountable.

Regardless of whether we are talking about a large or small industry, small or large market, or any other factor, fraud is always an indicator that something is wrong with the way you are doing business. If numbers need to be falsely inflated in order to get to the next quarter, it's like robbing Peter to pay Paul. The continued tolerance our current business world has for this sort of behavior continues to breed new and more damaging ways to commit fraud.

Resources:
Black, William K. "Control Frauds' as Financial Super-Predators". The Journal of Socio-Economics. 34:734-55
Deloitte Forensic Center. "Ten Things About Financial Statement Fraud". June 2007. Accessed 1/7/2009. http://www.deloitte.com/dtt/cda/doc/content/us_forensic_tenthings_fraud01072008.pdf

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-07T23:07:00.000-05:00

Okay. So, I'm delving a bit deeper into my "New Year's Resolutions" that I mentioned in the last post. Hopefully putting them out into the ether will be a good way to hold me to them - or at least you guys all get to listen to me bitch and moan about them as I slog my way through. :-)

1. Focus more on schoolwork
As you may (or may not) know, I'm enrolled to get my MBA (with a concentration in Project Management) in November of 2009. I'm studying through Walden University, which I highly recommend. I'm going to really stick it to my classes and actually, you know, try to read all the stuff I'm supposed to. :-)

2. LOSE WEIGHT
Again, as you may or may not know, I'm engaged to be married in the late spring of 2010. My amazing fiance loves me just as I am, but I could stand to be a little less jiggly. I'm joining Weight Watchers (we shall see if they are as lame as I'm worried they will be), and joining a gym (Planet Fitness) where I will go with a friend from work AT LEAST 3 times a week. Well, 2 times a week to start. Then 3 times a week. Totally.

This is starting up next week, on the 12th. My first WW meeting will be on Wednesday. I'm going alone, which is a bit scary, but I'll be fine. As my mother so eloquently puts it, I can "talk to a brick wall". Hopefully it will be at least slightly more exciting than that.

3. Expand spiritual awareness
Okay, so I'm already taking some great strides with this. I've joined the Fellowship, I attended my first group ritual, and am signed up for a class on the Nature of the God/dess for late January. In addition to that, I'm starting a 'journey' (I wouldn't call it a class) through the Sisterhood of the Silver Branch which ought to be interesting. I'm very focused on book learning, and this is much more geared to the personal experience itself - actual ritualwork, which is what I really need experience in. This starts on January 26th (the new Moon), so you'll hear all about it once it starts. I'm hoping for a much more ethereal and far less cerebral experience than I usually craft for myself.

Anyway, that's that for now - hopefully this will help me keep on target. More exciting updates to come...

Why Does My Hot Tub Hate Me?

2009-01-01T23:49:00.000-05:00

My legs are bright red.

The rest of me is a rather wan yellowish-green. I love hot tubs, truly I do. But apparently they have stopped liking me. Every time I've gotten in my parent's hot tub (it was 17 degrees F outside tonight when we went out), I end up feeling rather faint. I can only hope it's because of my burgeoning waistline, and the effect will go away with ::drumroll:: my new year's resolutions!!!

So cliche. I hate resolutions. But it's a convenient time to start, and after seeing myself in photos from family holidays (no, I will NOT post one), I see that I am no longer just pleasantly plump, and need to cut down. A lot.

So, after Sonny (my handsome fiance) goes back to school on the 12th, I'm joining Weight Watchers. I've proven time and time again that I simply don't have the willpower on my own to control my eating. I have made a lot of strides - most of the food I eat now is totally organic, and I'm preparing stuff myself instead of making quick junk from the Stop n' Shop. Trader Joe's has become my grocery mecca, and I hope to keep that up.

Weight Watchers is the next step. Cutting out the junk food really made a big deal with my health - I haven't had ::KNOCK ON WOOD:: any significant colds lately, and I used to get them all the time. So slimming down the portions and monitoring my intake is the next part of this progression.

A friend of mine at the office was also looking for someone to go to the gym down the way with her during lunch - she just wants to do the 30 minute Curves-esque portion, which I figure won't be too humiliating to do with her, despite the fact that I easily way at least twice (if not more) as much as she does.

I am happy with myself in a lot of ways. And I don't feel like I need to be some super-skinny ana type. I just want to feel more comfortable in myself, and hopefully losing the weight and getting more in shape will help with the endometriosis.

Which is a totally different story.

The Lupron (my latest chemical treatment) doesn't seem to work too well. The surgery I had in August is offically wearing off, and after almost collapsing in Best Buy in front of Sonny I really don't know what to do next. I'm going back on the pill (UGH) for now, but I've also started taking Evening Primrose Oil and Salmon Oil to help with the cramps. We'll see how it goes. I'm really frustrated and upset about this still, so I'm not going to dwell on it further.

HERE'S AN AWESOME PICTURE OF MY BABIES TO CHEER UP THIS POST:

AND ANOTHER:

They're awesome. They love my giant tummy!!! Makes for comfy snuggling. These awesome pictures are courtesy of the new, 8 megapixel Kodak EasyShare my parents got for me for Christmas (THANK YOU). It's been great for taking pictures at the shelter, too.

Anyway, I'll be posting more about stuff with the Fellowship soon - reveling in Pagan-ness is awesome!

Wedding Website

2008-12-28T00:20:00.001-05:00

As some of you know, my boyfriend Sonny proposed to me earlier this fall. We're getting married in 2010, and we've launched a website to document our planning of the great event.

You can visit our site here, at www.sonny-and-andrea.com.

Hope everyone is having a great holiday!

Very Interesting-Looking Documentary

2008-12-25T23:01:00.001-05:00

I'm hoping to have time to watch this documentary, entitled "Hoopeston", which was directed by Thomas Bender.

Review to be posted upon watching. But if you have time before I do, hope you enjoy it! Thanks so much to Jason of The Wild Hunt for, once again, posting the best Pagan News of Note.

The Winter Holidays

2008-12-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

Or, Yule, Christmas, and the middle way...

As you can see from my abundant lack of posting, things have been unbelievably busy but wonderful. I had the great pleasure of attending a Yule ritual put on by the Northern NJ Pagan Fellowship on the 21st. I was a bit tentative about attending my first public ritual, but honestly, it was such a wonderful event. It was so different from working as a solitary - I've been composing tomes in my head about the different feel of the energy we raised.

The friendly open-ness of the group was also amazing. Everyone was so friendly, from the moment I walked in the door. I felt badly for not having brought food (I had been visiting my family in PA and had just driven back to Jersey for the ritual, so had no time to cook anything properly. Honestly, I need to leave enough time to cook things twice any time I arrange to bring things - just in case I ruin it the first time.), so they let me help prepare the food that was there. We had all sorts of wonderful tubers (potatoes, yams, etc), and such to bake up, and a wonderful chicken pasta, as well as this glorious cider. Gwaeron, the group leader, was also kind enough to share his mead stores.

I need to devote an entire paragraph to this mead, actually. I don't like alcohol - I'll have a margarita or a mamosa from time to time, but usually only one (at most two). I don't like the way alcohol tastes, honestly. But I took a sip of this mead, and honestly, it was like drinking sunshine. I will definately be sharing more about it as I find out where it came from - and will be very glad to incorporate it into some of my own personal rituals.

I'm going to be working on something to celebrate the New Moon on Saturday, if I can. While I may not actually be able to perform anything, the gesture of planning for the next go round would be extremely satisfying to me, I believe. I really want to do more work with the moon - I feel as though that's where I draw a lot of my energy from when I am in need, and would like to recognize that wonderful gift.

In any case, now that we've sort of covered Yule...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I celebrate the togetherness of family and the birth of a very important historical figure here - I may not be Christian, but that doesn't mean I can't admire a man who was truly great in spirituality. The presents thing is pretty awesome too, honestly. It is great to be so close to my family around the holidays - I can feel so disconnected out in North Jersey, and being near everyone for these days is amazing. I am so lucky to have such a great family!

The TRUTH

2008-12-19T08:53:00.001-05:00

Obama's Inaugural Choice

2008-12-18T11:02:00.000-05:00

Today, an article in CNN touted the fury of liberal democrats at President-Elect Obama's choice of an inaugural speaker: namely, Rick Warren, conservative pastor of the Saddleback Church (and author of "A Purpose-Driven Life").

Yesterday I commented on a post by Jason at The Wild Hunt. It was in reference to teaching spirituality in schools, and how mainstream religions are always happy to be taught in schools but get all persnickety when it comes to giving fair treatment to other spiritual paths - such as, oh, say, Paganism.

I bring this up because I think people sometimes forget that equal representation and free speech mean that everyone gets a voice. Just because you don't agree with someone, or because you find their beliefs offensive, doesn't mean they can't speak their minds. When we are oppressed (meaning we as general people), we are quick to express our outrage - but when someone we don't agree with is silence, well, it's just not quite as awful, now is it?

Wrong. Democracy means that we are all on equal footing - we all get to hold the mike, no matter how repugnant or distasteful our ideas may be to others. Without this freedom, and without respecting it for everyone, we wouldn't be a truly free society (which some would argue we already aren't).

Rick Warran is opposed to gay marriage. He opposes abortion rights. But he's entitled to those views. And just because he holds them doesn't mean he, as a gifted speaker, should be refused an invitation to an important event. He is a spiritual leader to a large portion of American Christians - and he's also a good guy (as near as I can tell), and just because I disagree with him on several important issues doesn't mean I think he should be excluded from the national stage. And I certainly don't think he's going to take the opportunity to stir up contraversy - he's probaly just as excited to have Obama as a president as we all are.

Part of being an equal society means giving everyone equal voice. Without this fundamental right, how can we ever hope to achieve equality for anyone else?

UPDATE:
An excellent rebuttal from the president elect...

Deep Down, Everyone Is Pagan (or wants to be...)

2008-12-17T21:28:00.000-05:00

I attended an absolutely amazing event last Saturday - the Phoenixville Firebird Festival. It is my goal to attend this event year year from here on in, as it was ridiculously fun, absolutely entrancing, and a wonderful expression of community in an otherwise "P.C." (politically correct) world.

I would like to thank Schamis for taking this wonderful picture, which I borrowed from his blog. (I did not think to bring my camera this year, but will definitely do so next year).

This video really captures the "Burninating" (we love you Trogdor!!!) beautifully - and the marshmallow toasting (which was great, right up until the wings almost fell on said roasters). The point of this post was really more to analyze the reaction of the crowd to this event. There was singing, drumming, and an enormous crowd of onlookers.

At one point, I turned to my good friend Molly (who follows a similar spiritual path to my own) and remarked that it was one of the most pagan events I had ever attended - and the crowd, by-and-large, probably would not consider themselves to be such.

I believe that paganism strikes a chord and resonates with the most basic parts of our human spirituality. I'm glad that there are still venues in which our increasingly politically correct and otherwise expressionly-stunted culture can come together and celebrate such a primal instinct and joyous refrain.

In short, huzzah for giant burning effigies - it's great that they still bring us together. :-)

Awesome...

2008-12-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

What more could I say?

Pagan PR Manual

2008-12-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

I read a very interesting post over at The Wild Hunt today, regarding high-profile pagans who have recently been featured in news articles. Jason (as always) very succinctly points out how these two profiles affect the pagan community as a whole, one (sadly) with bad information and the other (unfortunately) with one person's views representing our religion as a whole.

The first case involves someone who (rather ridiculously) compares the losses pagans have suffered through the years to those suffered by those of Jewish faith and descent during the Holocaust. First of all, it is absolutely irrational to compare the sufferings of different groups of people, however large or small (or whatever their origins). If a small tribe in northern Kenya gets wiped out during a small-scale feud, is it any less tragic than what happens in the Sudan? The question doesn't even make sense - both are tragedies. Both are terrible. People suffered, and any suffering is terrible. But to say that one or the other is 'more or less' awful is completely irrational. It's enough that people have died - don't cheapen anyone's loss by comparing it to somebody else.

Anyway, the second case was much less egregious - it was simply someone expressing their organization's personal beliefs, but it was presented in such a way that it would seem all pagans share the tenet (not the fault of the person being interviewed, but poor reporting).

My solution is this. A Pagan PR manual. I love branding, I love PR, and one of the most intricate and careful balances that must be struck in any sort of public awareness campaign is an overall representation of an idea that is truly nuanced at its core. Not all pagans are Gardnerians - not all pagans are solitaries, not all pagans follow Asatru, etc. etc. etc. We're all different, but we DO have common threads. Respect the earth. Love for our fellows. So on and so forth.

While it was recently pointed out to me by the very astute leader of the Fellowship I attend, Gwaeron, that we don't all follow "as it harm none", we are the same in that we embrace an earth-centered, positive lifestyle that is built on ancient traditions.

Anyway, enough rambling - I just like the idea of a Pagan PR manual, so that we can all speak about our religion and our community without lumping everybody together into one individuals beliefs, or simply to avoid sounding like an insensitive idiot (see Jason's post).

Week in Review

2008-12-07T17:47:00.000-05:00

Since I'm taking a break from my homework (nothing like studying the 'innovation' behind three aspects of the current Web 2.0 networking scene to really stimulate the ol' brain cells), I'm quickly reviewing a meeting I attended this week.

The Northern New Jersey Pagan Fellowship is a great bunch of folks out here in NJ. They have meet and greets once a month, haven't missed a Sabbat in like 5 years, run Esbats that are geared towards learning and collaborative fellowship, and have a real dedication towards creating a group that is built on a foundation of dedicated, core members and is also open to the general public. A hard balance to strike, but they definitely do a great job.

They're having a Yule celebration on the 21st, and I am definately aiming to go. I've been to two meetups so far (one before my engagement, this past week after life finally simmered down enough for me to attend again), and they've been great. I'm interested to report back on how things go.

Also, some GREAT news:

After watching my beloved tripod Norn hobble around in the colder weather, I have been very worried about the state of her hip. I still plan to get her some fresh X-Rays after the holidays (unfortunately they're expensive, and without sign of an infection I won't rush it), but after observing her all weekend I feel greatly reassured. Norn's a recovering feral cat (who is very sweet and gentle, but still wild), and she doesn't like me hovering over her. She scuttles around from comfy spot to comfy spot, but I can see now that she is happy and comfy and even playing with her sisters. I feel greatly reassured.

I should point out that this good state of health is, in no small part, due to the gift of a heated pet bed by my sister Amanda. I wanted to buy one for her but couldn't afford it (they are enormously expensive). Her gift meant a lot to me, and it is something all the cats enjoy every day.

PLAGUE!

2008-12-07T13:49:00.001-05:00

The next time my friends' kids have 'a little tummy bug', I am putting Quarantine stickers up on their house. For cholera.

Instead of spending the weekend with my fiance at Frog Hollow Evergreen Farm (the best place in the world to get a Yule/Christmas/Holiday tree if you can get to the Lancaster, PA area), with my family for my grandmother's birthday party, or anything else amusing, I have been doing this:

The only difference is, in this picture, I look happy.

Anyway, enough whining. I always have fun babysitting them, and will just be wary of the germ-swapping for the future.

The great news is that I got a lot of work done on Sonny's (my fiance) scarf. I should have no problems getting it done for this weekend. HUZZAH! (Will post pictures when it is done)

Food For Thought

2008-12-04T17:41:00.000-05:00

Here's another assignment from my MBA program.

Prompt:
Creativity and innovation often come from "thinking outside the box," but too much divergent thinking can result in chaos. A well-run business requires order and routine to function effectively. Therefore, managers must learn to balance the need for stability with the need to create an environment that encourages new ideas.

What corporate competencies and environmental strategies can managers and organizations cultivate and employ in order to foster creativity, innovation, and success? How would you as a manager go about implementing and measuring these strategies?

Response:
One thing that quickly comes to a researcher’s attention is the plethora of conference synopses that contain the words “manage people innovation”. Business updates, briefings, and a variety of other corporately-sourced documents all include these buzzwords with the same frequency a nouveu riche drops names at a dinner party. When I starting poking around for information to build this discussion post on, there were pages of them in the Business Source database.

Helen Walters, a writer for BusinessWeek, agrees that the term ‘innovation’ is grossly overused in today’s business world. Quoted from her article “Voices of Innovation 2008”, Walters states:

“As executives have bandied the word about to describe everything from new product introductions to layoffs, it has become increasingly difficult to discern genuine innovation from wishful thinking or marketing spin.” (1)

Her article goes on to briefly describe the “Voices of Innovation” article that will be forthcoming shortly. In the meantime, her statement that “genuine innovation balances quick hits with long plays” resonated with me enough to continue to explore this idea of balance in innovation. (1)

After reflection on what would be the underpinnings of a successful manager who creates a fertile environment for forward thinking, and balancing responsibilities with the risks that are inherent with any change. Further searching on the web brought me to another concept that I believe has an enormous amount of influence on a manager’s ability to foster and incorporate innovation into their business world. That concept is Emotional Intelligence.

In an article written by Rachel Tonn of the Colorado Springs Business Journal, Nick Tasler (director of research and development for TalentSmart) is quoted as saying, “If we don’t teach them how to manage themselves, is it reasonable to expect them to lead us toward a prosperous future?”. Tasler’s approach towards teaching ‘them’ (in this case Generation X and Yers who will soon be taking up the management mantle in the workplace) to manage themselves is training them in the four Emotional Competencies: (2)
- Self-Awareness
- Self-Management
- Social Awareness
- Relationship Management (3)

The Emotional Competencies model was presented by Daniel Goleman, and encompasses EI as an ‘array of competencies and skills that drive leadership performance’. (3) I believe that these four qualities have enormous potential for aiding the up-and-coming management generations in acting as a midwife to the birth of enormous innovation and change. The first reason is because this emotional intelligence fosters communication and adaptability. These two traits are what I believe to be the most important parts of an innovation friendly personality or environment (work or otherwise). Second, these four traits are not necessarily inherent. They can be, but more importantly, they can be LEARNED.

These four steps towards a well-rounded, healthy emotional outlook are both essential to developing a positive work environment and can also be learned by any person willing. With this sort of double threat, emotional intelligence (as well as awareness and pursuit of it) can be the true key to unlocking hidden potential within companies across industry barriers.

Resources:
1. Walters, H. “Voices of Innovation 2008”. BusinessWeek. 10.20.2008. Accessed 12.3.08. http://www.businessweek.com/innovate/content/oct2008/id20081020_393399.htm
2. Tonn, R. “Improving Emotional Intelligence of a Younger Work Force”. Colorado Springs Business Journal. November 28, 2008. Retrieved from Business Source 12.3.08. http://search.ebscohost.com.ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login.aspx?direct=true&db=bwh&AN=L54436495CSBJ&site=bsi-live
3. Wikipedia. “Emotional intelligence”. Accessed 12.3.08. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

A Sad Day...

2008-12-03T21:28:00.000-05:00

Today, dear Elmo was laid to rest. After a long and bitter emotional struggle, it was decided by Elmo's caretakers and doctors that because he had been abandoned by his owner at such an old age (13), and at such a delicate and difficult time (he was diagnosed with diabetes as he came into the shelter), he was suffering both physically and mentally.

He doesn't have to be afraid or worried or alone anymore. Though I only knew him a short time, (and I feel a bit silly being as upset as I am), Elmo really made an impression on me and I know I will miss him and think of him for a long time.

I offered to sprinkle his ashes at Valley Forge Park, so he could chase squirrels and deer to his heart's content. We don't know what he liked especially, but I figured a place full of the spirits of the soldiers who died at Valley Forge would be the perfect place to send him - where he'll be surrounded by people and fun outdoorsy stuff.

I felt a bit weird offering my services in this regard (this, after all, isn't my cat and I didn't know him for very long), but I feel better having made the offer. The folks at the shelter are so kind to me - I have always appreciated their generosity of spirit.

I'm glad that Elmo was known and will be remembered by us. I'm not unexperienced at missing someone never truly known, so this feeling is not a new one. I hope you sleep well, Elmo.

Post-Poem Regret

2008-12-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

Ugh.

You know, late at night, I always get these silly urges to be creative and 'express myself', and then I usually end up with the sort of lame poetry that was featured last night. I apologize for this lapse in judgment. This is what happens when I spend too much time alone with my thoughts. :-)

Last night the kittens were adorable - for anyone who might not be familiar, I have three. Frigga and Freyja are the playful ones, and last night they definitely were in 'a mood'. I was sort of flirting around with going to bed, and apparently it wasn't quite fast enough for them, because they started trying to pin my arms down on the bed every time I moved something off of it. (At my apartment, the bed is usually covered in books/clothes/yarn)

This is an awful picture of me (why I shouldn't slouch), but this is a great example of the kittens. Trying to do homework? They sit on me. Trying to blog? They sit on me. Trying to play MarioKart Wii? They sit on me. AND try to eat the nunchuck cable. It's great.

Honestly, though, it's great to have little somebodies in the house. It gets lonely up here in North Jersey, and their decision to grace me with their presence brings me a whole lot of joy. (Frigga is on the 'bottom', Freyja is on the 'top')

Tonight I'm going to Mt. Pleasant (an animal shelter I volunteer at), and I'm going to be spending some time with one of the cats there. His name is Elmo, and he's really adorable. He's 12/13 years old, and diabetic. He requires injections two times a day, but aside from that slight issue, there's nothing wrong with this old boy. He's a sweetie and I'm worried about finding him a home. Luckily, Mt. Pleasant is a no-kill shelter, but because he has a special diet he has to stay in one of the (albeit roomy) cages all the time. I don't think he likes that at all. (This is Elmo, by the way).

I know it's not responsible to want to bring another cat into the house, but my heartstrings didn't stand a chance against this guy. He's like a big lion! With diabetes. But that's okay!

I'll be hoping and praying he gets a home. I'm going to put up the same runes I did for Callie (who was adopted!!!) when I was worried she wouldn't find a home.

Poems

2008-12-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

I went through all this effort in college to produce poetry. When I was in high school, I had a well-meaning but misguided (in my opinion) English teacher who turned me into a wonderful technical writer but turned off my creative talent (if it could be called that). She was a great lady, and taught me a lot of good things, but I've never been able to re-discover that switch that was turned off in 10th grade. The closest I've come was with a creative writing class in college that forced me to write poetry or fail.

I'm going to try doing that again. I have trouble motivating myself to write sometimes, and hopefully this exercise will get me going. There's something extremely satisfying about writing a poem that neatly fits a rhythm I aim to accomplish. Not that they're good, mind you, just that they have a nice lilt.

Glance
Can you hear it too?

This thickly muffled pounding,
dully pulling me forward
from under my ribcage.

I can feel past all these
heavy bones and thick flesh,
pulsing ahead,
becoming.

I can touch all that I
have so roughly lost;
reach beyond these simple
confines of blood and skin.

I can HEAR them screaming
into this familiar emptiness,
silently crying with harsh rasps.

All that I have ever hoped for is
so nearly close, I can feel it
under my skin, and yet
so far beyond my fingertips.

What undying agony is this,
rattling with newly old
cries in my heart?

Sad Truths...

2008-11-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

While I know it's the holiday season and we're all supposed to be upbeat, I found an article that I think is very important, and deserves consideration.

In December of last year, Michelle Kehoe slit the throats of her two sons, ages seven and two, and driving her car into an icy river to cover the crime. She was rescued from the river, along with her two boys (the younger of which died from his wounds) by four men who jumped into the cold water. The rescuers are only now finding out that the mother, Michelle, was the one who hurt her children. More details can be found here.

The important point that I wanted to highlight here was a statement made by Laurie Levenson of of Loyola Law School in California. She was commenting on the stable annual statistic that shows at least half of all children murdered in the US are killed by their own parent. Her statement was this:

"The natural defense to anticipate is insanity because why would a mother kill her own child?" Levenson asked. "It certainly can be insanity, but it's not always the case. Perfectly sane people can do horrible things and they do, every day."

It's much easier to think that bad things happen because of some material defect in the brain, some sort of behavioral abnormality that cannot be controlled by those who suffer it. In reality, people do awful things all the time simple because they can, not because they cannot.

The reason I'm blogging about this is because, in actuality, it is statements like Ms. Levenson' that give me hope for the state of humanity. Evil isn't something that sneaks and creeps along and takes over people to commit horrible deeds. People choose to do horrible things. Which means that they can choose to do good things, too.

I guess the hard part is figuring out how to make it easier to choose to do right than to choose to do wrong. And I guess that's why we have psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc. To figure out why people do bad things, why they do good things, and how we can help them choose the latter.

Google Reader

2008-11-25T12:47:00.001-05:00

Well, I've found my new favorite site (only behind LOLcats, of course...). Google Reader has allowed me to amalgamate all my favorite blogs, news sources, etc. etc. into one easy-to-access place. Indeed, it might be the only thing that brings me to read some of the blogs that I really love, because though they are amazing, my time is extremely limited, and searching through my bookmarks is not something I often do.

Highly recommend Google Reader. Thumbs up!

The Financial Crisis

2008-11-19T15:19:00.001-05:00

Things have officially become a little bit more than slightly worrisome economy-wise. I found a great article from Pat Regnier, a writer for Money Magazine. It's a letter to his kids about the current financial crisis and how we got there.

Very poignant, I think.

Lessons for Kids from the Great Crash

Catching up

2008-11-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

WOW.

How else can I summarize the past month? It was October 18th, almost a month ago now, when Sonny proposed to me at the Renaissance Faire. Words cannot describe how unbelievably breathtaking the whole experience was. Sonny had it planned out beautifully. Apparently he'd been working on the whole event for a month.

He told me the week before that Saturday that he had gotten this giant order in for four dozen roses, to be delivered at Queen's Court. He told me he didn't know many details of the delivery, so he'd have to scoot of partway through our preparations that morning to make sure he delivered to the right person. Little did I know he was making the final preparations for his proposal while I sat vialing roses behind the shop! I had the whole four dozen (and then some) vialed by the time he got back.

The reason I rushed through getting them ready was because Laura and Val had slipped behind the shop with me after Sonny had taken off. They told me that they had arranged with the Queen to have Sonny knighted as the Best Bud Stud Ever (which of course he is). I thought this was a marvelous idea, and so set about making sure everything would be ready in time for him to be there for Queen's Court at 11:15. First, I called my parents (who were coming, and I had never given a second thought as to why) to let them know they should be there on time to see Sonny be knighted. Then I remembered Sonny had said his mother was coming as well - and I thought to myself 'what luck! She'll see him get knighted too!'. So obviously it's just not that hard at all to pull the wool over my eyes.

Laura arranged so that we could all go to Queen's Court and 'watch Sonny be knighted'. I sat with my family, and saw Sonny standing off to the side. 'Mua ha ha', I thought, 'he has no idea what's about to happen!'. Again, with the obliviousness. Sonny came up to the front of the stage and started speaking - I wondered how much they must have tipped him to get him to be so willing to speak in front of so many people!!! And of course, the rest is history - the presentation of the roses, him going down on one knee, and of course, lots of kisses!

I was ashamed to admit to him later I couldn't remember what I had said - but thankfully he remembered exactly what I responded to him with:

"Yes, of course yes!"

PS - That rainbow appeared mysteriously in one of the pictures Amanda took. I haven't doctored this photo or anything - I think it's just another good omen for what is going to be an amazing marriage and a wonderful life.

LOLz

2008-10-23T17:09:00.001-04:00

And of course..

Awesome link...

2008-10-23T17:04:00.000-04:00

Check it out - this is a great story.

Shop at a shelter for your new best friend

More commentary to follow regarding shelter animals.

WE'RE ENGAGED!!!

2008-10-21T14:57:00.000-04:00

This Saturday, Sonny proposed to me...and it was absolutely amazing. CHECK IT OUT!!!

It was the most romantic and amazing proposal I believe the world has ever seen. Watch the video above...MORE DETAILS TO COME!!!

PS - He completely surprised me. I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA that he had been arranging this for the past 3 weeks. :-) He's amazing.

PPS - WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!

Best LOL ever...

2008-10-16T21:56:00.000-04:00

Mind Bender

2008-10-16T13:46:00.000-04:00

I'm going slowly insane.

I know that was already the case, but now I'm driving myself even crazier. This Lupron that I'm on to assuage the onslaught of endometriosis has been having a rather annoying side effect. I think I have temporary (or at least I HOPE it's temporary) ADD. I have trouble focusing, following ideas through, and in general I'm just sounding like an idiot.

I have to complain briefly about this because I just sounded like a complete moron in front of one of our VPs. She was very nice about the whole thing, but I don't like my work being affected. I know that this isn't just me being spacy - this is different. It's like there's a whole bunch of cotton balls floating around in my brain, and sometimes thoughts just get stuck in them.

:-(

Sad face. I hope this goes away soon. It makes life very difficult.

At the beach...

2008-10-12T09:42:00.000-04:00

Right now, I'm relaxing at the beach house my family rents every October. It's absolutely lovely. Sonny wasn't able to come, which was a real shame. However, I did tell him that he has to stay with me another year (at least) in order to enjoy the amazing freestyle hot-rod shows that go on here every weekend. I have a lot of pictures and will probably post them.

Going to shows like that always make me feel like I want to learn more about cars. Especially since Sonny has such an avid interest, I think it would be a good idea to get that started. Dad forbade me from studying the Travellers, (which is a seperate post for another time), so I do need something to fill the gap.

More to come. For now, enjoy today's LOL...

So frighteningly true...

2008-09-26T12:40:00.001-04:00

I can't even tell you how many times this happens at my house. The whole bed, and they choose the clothes I've laid out to wear for the day.

LOLcats show their unerring wisdom...once again...

Life, the Universe, and Everything

2008-09-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm stuck at my desk until my boss calls to let me know that the draft of a spreadsheet I sent him is okay. So as revenge, I am posting because I'm 'technically' out of things to do for the day, unless I want to get wrapped up in a project that will keep me here until 7.

Today is my 1 year anniversary with Sonny. He surprised me last night, arriving at my door (after a 3 hour drive) wearing his kilt and speaking in a Scottish accent as he presented me with a dozen roses and a stuffed penguin from the Atlanta aquarium (where he visited last weekend).

It was so lovely to have him come and visit. I forget how lonely it really is without him sharing the apartment - as great as it is to have Frigga, Freyja, Norn, and Pan, it's still nice to have Sonny around to complete the picture.

I probably won't get to see him this weekend, but I feel a lot better about that now that we were able to spend some time together. I'll be working at the Faire the weekend of the 4th and 5th, so that'll be a lot of fun and something great to look forward to. He's been so patient with me with this whole 'menopause' thing - last week I felt like I was totally off my rocker, and he just took it all in stride. I am very, very lucky.

This weekend, my family is coming up on Sunday to go Mutts Mania, an event being held by the Mount Pleasa n t Animal Shelter. I've been a little disconnected from them lately what with all the school/health/etc. stuff going on, but I'm really getting back into the swing of things. I might even get the chance to work with some bottle babies (kittens) soon! Danielle had some with her the other night - they were adorable. It's a lot of work, but I think it's a great work that (when done in moderation) could be a really great exercise for mind, body, and spirit.

School is going...quickly. This is my second time taking Marketing, and it is just a killer class. So much work per week, and my group insists on meeting almost every other day for at least 1 1/2 or 2 hours. They're great folks, but I have a lot of trouble keeping up sometimes. I don't know how they all do it - obviously I am just a lazy bum if I'm having trouble finding the time.

Anyway, that's it for now - more meaningful posts coming soon!

LOLcat of the day...

2008-09-16T10:32:00.001-04:00

My Post for MBA Class Discussion - Enjoy!

2008-09-10T14:12:00.000-04:00

One of the most interesting summations of the position of the personal computer in today's world was uttered in an article posted on CNET news in 2002. The author quoted Christine Riley (head of the People and Practices Research Group at Intel) as saying:

"People stop referring to their computer. The telephone is transparent. You don't say, 'I'm going to go use my telephone'".

Her observation neatly packages the fact that the personal computer has become a ubiquitous part of life in the modern age. At 24, I can hardly conceive of how to even begin doing my job if I didn't have a computer. My college experience revolved around the use of a device - the few students I knew that didn't have one at Penn State relied heavily on the rather lavish computer centers located conveniently throughout our campus.

Because of this fact, marketing for the personal computer has become both easier and more difficult. It is easier, in that you certainly don't have to introduce the concept to consumers anymore - they know what a PC is, you just have to tell them why to buy yours. Which brings us to the hard part - differentiation in a market that boasts an unlimited array of choices, even within a certain technology provider (consider both Dell & HP's model of looking at a consumer's lifestyle to choose what amenities their PC or laptop will require).

Research has become a complex entity indeed for anyone considering marketing a PC. Not only do you have to have a prior understanding (and a very deep one at that) of the demographic you are targeting, consumers almost expect their PC to be customized to their needs at the point of purchase. While many people do still buy PCs "over the counter" at a lower price-point, selling any high-end piece of equipment will probably require a lot of end-user input before the product is finally delivered.

For the purposes of the market simulation this class is engaging in, getting a deep knowledge of the spending capabilities and potential demands of each market are going to be a jumping-off point. As we prepare to engage consumers with marketing campaigns, we have to understand a variety of factors:

1. How much they can (and are willing to) spend
2. Whether their market can support the demand we need to make the venture profitable
3. What sort of product specifications each demographic requires
4. What sort of product specifications each demographic will lust after

The reason I list a differentiation between 3 and 4 is this. Everyone knows what they 'need' from their computer. A word processor. USB ports. Networking capabilities, etc. etc. These are very tangible, easy to quantify components. What makes someone choose one computer over another, (especially when so very many alternatives are available), is lust factor. I was happy to receive a computer from my work when I started here, but what makes me want to buy a Dell when I get my next laptop is the fact that it happily chugs away and runs all the many applications I need to (oftentimes simultaneously), without a hitch. My lust factor has to do with memory and hard drive. For my boss, it's ease of use. When he looks to buy a personal computer, he'll never buy Brand X because of the experience he had with it's many glitches for the inexperienced user.

Technology Adoption Life Cycle
After reading Geoffrey Moore's work regarding the Life Cycle of technology adoption, I have created my own list of adopters. While it would be very easy to focus microcosmically on the US, I've decided to adopt a more worldwide model, basing it on the development status of different countries as they begin to use technology products like PCs.

Innovators (1975-1979)
Countries: US, EU
In 1975, the first computer vailable was the Altair, which could only run very simple programs like word-processing. These pieces were shadows of the real computers of the time, which were busy taking up gym-sized rooms in order to do complex operations that are even further dwarfed by what computers are capable of today.

Early Adopters (1979-1989)
Countries: US, EU
In 1981, IBM's personal computer was largely responsible for the enormous jump in shipments, from merely 609k to over 1.6 million1.

Early Majority (1989-1999)
Countries: US, EU, BRIC Countries
In 1983, the development a release of the TCP/IP protocol was the birth of the modern Internet age. When the independent networks that were set up with this protocol unified in 1990, and when independent organizations were handed control of this new internet in 1995, the use of personal computers began its climb to a simple necessity.

Late Majority (2000-2009)
Countries: BRIC Countries
This time period was projected in 2002 to be the period of largest growth for the spread of PCs across the world. An article from the BBC stated that "the greatest growth is expected to be in areas such as China, Latin America, eastern Europe, and India). As PCs continue to grow in popularity with earlier adopters, In 2002, 40% of homes in the UK had personal computers, up 27% from 1985.

Laggards (2010-On)
Countries: Developing World
The developing world continues to fall sadly behind the rest of the world in technology, as well as so much else.

Bibliography:

Kanellos, Michael. "PCs: More than 1 billion served". CNET News. June 30, 2002. http://news.cnet.com/2100-1040-940713.html

Geoffrey A. Moore. "Crossing the Chasm: Marketing and Selling High Tech Products to Mainstream Consumers". HarperCollins Publishers. New York. 2002.

"Computers Reach One Billion Mark". BBC News. July 1, 2002. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/2077986.stm

"Internet History -- One Page Summary". http://www.livinginternet.com/i/ii_summary.htm. Accessed 9-10-2008

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words...

2008-09-10T12:06:00.000-04:00

Need I say more?

Back in the saddle again...

2008-09-02T16:07:00.000-04:00

To kick off beginning to post again, for your enjoyment here is today's LOL...

One more...

2008-08-16T01:50:00.001-04:00

You Are Ballroom Dancing

You are sophisticated and classy. Definitely not the type to be seen dancing on a bar.

You are a bit old fashioned. You prefer dance to be subtly sexy, not in your face sexy.

You are sentimental and nostalgic. You appreciate the beauty of old things.

You are even tempered and cooperative. You work well with a partner.

What Dance Are You?

Is this good or bad?

2008-08-16T01:40:00.001-04:00

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

Why not?

2008-08-16T01:02:00.000-04:00

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.

Your idea of fashion is jeans and a t-shirt. Clean, if you're lucky.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Olympics

2008-08-10T18:02:00.000-04:00

The Olympics have been awesome to watch (the athletes, I mean. I vehemently continue to boycott China's right to host this wonderful event). However, I found a great picture through LOLcats that really sums up the...shall we say...ambiance of the event.

Pagan Jokes...

2008-08-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

Hilarious...

Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

Courtesy of The Celtic Connection at www.wicca.com.

I'm recovering from surgery and still have very little energy - but I'll also leave you with a LOL to keep you happy...

Limping along with the website...

2008-07-31T20:09:00.001-04:00

So, I have a website. A poorly maintained, totally 'themed' Yahoo page that was nice but not terribly individual. So I downloaded a free trial of Coffee Cup's Visual Website Editor (which is designed for idiots such as myself), and have been using it to cobble together my own little piece of the Internet. More to come later.

LymeWatch: Day Whatever...

2008-07-30T13:05:00.001-04:00

Since there's no way of knowing how long I've had this ridiculous bug, I can't say what day I'm on. However, despite some rather nasty effects of the medication, I'm glad to know I'm on it, and am looking forward to mended-ness.

In the meantime, this has actually helped me to re-focus a lot on my priorities right now (as well as my budget). What with the upcoming surgery and other issues, I have to make sure I'm managing my time (and money) well so I have less to worry about.

This refocusing effort has resulted in a resuscitation of my studies of Irish Gaelic. Conclusion for now: IRISH IS HARD. Aside from the apparently random lenition that I have to deal with at the beginnings of nouns, there are about a zillion different endings for both masculine and feminine nouns (gone are the days of -o and -a from my beloved espanol...).

I know it's worth the effort, but it's about as puzzling as the consistent dead ends I find in my studies of the Travellers. However, I do have a light at the end of the tunnel - my goal is to be able to start reading my Irish-language edition of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" by Christmas. I originally thought Thanksgiving, but in the interest of my own sanity I'd rather be pleasantly suprised by an unexpected early accomplishment than disappointed by a rather predictable failure.

So there's the update for now. Next Tuesday is my surgery - I think I'll try to post more about that in the interest of educating anyone who wants to know about it what a laproscopic procedure for endometriosis is like. Ta for now.

Awesome new search engine...

2008-07-29T09:39:00.001-04:00

Guess what was just launched today?

Perhaps the coolest search engine ever, (and not only because it's named after Fionn McCuimmail, an Irish hero of yore). It's called Cuil, and you can find it here at www.cuil.com.

Using this search engine, I found an article about myself that I thought had been long lost. Much to my unending joy, and for your reading pleasure, here is my very first act of real activism at Penn State.

Check it out!

Feeling rather Lyme-y...

2008-07-23T14:20:00.000-04:00

And not the British kind of Limey, I'm afraid. Poor Amanda (my sis) got a sort-of positive diagnosis of Lyme disease earlier this year, and it would appear that we're either having an extremely powerful twin moment or we just got bitten by the same sort of tick (I blame the camping trip in May down at Rehobeth beach, personally. ;-))

It was amusing earlier this week, but now the joke is officially getting old. I'm not sure why I was so light-hearted about it earlier (probably because I had a weekend's worth of sleep under my belt, and it's now Thursday, so my sleep reserves are officially dry). However, it's not the end of the world. I need to cheer up and be a bit more involved in life. Though I've been trying to be very diligent - I've really re-focused my studying efforts on Irish Gaelic (which died off earlier this year) and hopefully I'll be able to get some more work done on the infamous PRP.

Here's a great picture that sums up my mood:

As always, thanks to the LOLz for putting my feelings into pictures. :-) God help any 'birdies' headed my way today.

Speaking of which, I've had an absolutely GINORMOUS gang of birds hanging out at the birdfeeder. I put it out there for Frigga, Freyja, and Norn to enjoy, (which I know at least the two little PermaKittens do). However, these birds are going through a whole thing of birdfood every three days. No lie. I'll try to get a picture of the mayhem.

Freyja - The Results

2008-07-21T11:01:00.000-04:00

So, here's the basic jist of Freyja's echocardiogram last week.

She does have HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy), though it is currently in a "mild to moderate" range. The thickness of the walls of her heart should be 5 mm or less, and she has "variable thickness" that ranges up to over 7 mm.

That seems terribly thick for such a small cat, (she weighs less than 5 pounds all told), but the doctor didn't seem overly concerned at this point. The problem with HCM is that there is no proscribed course the disease takes - she could stay at this "mild to moderate" state for the rest of her life, or she may die of heart failure before Christmas.

The 'good news' about a diagnosis of HCM is that she isn't going to suffer a long, drawn-out illness that will cause her pain and suffering. When the end comes, it's relatively quick. There are just some 'small' steps I have to take to help ensure that she has a nice long life.

First, no more catnip. ::sigh:: I guess we'll just have to rely on Frigga and her using up their 'normal' kitten energy in a natural way. Though it is hilarious to see them in the throes of catnip, this is something easy. Next, I have to put her on a special food, Hill's Feline K/D. Because all three cats (Frigga, Freyja, and Norn) are 'grazers' (i.e. I have food out all day for them), everyone is going on the special diet. It's good for everybody, so I don't feel bad about that at all.

Sonny was so sweet - I couldn't afford to expensive food right away, so I was just going to feed them what's left of the Kitten Purina One, but he bought a bag for all the girls to tide them over until I can get another bag. It'll be expensive, but not too much more than the nice food I already got them, so I'm trying not to be too upset over it.

So, I have to keep her excitement down. No more catnip. And special food. Hopefully, this small bit of extra effort will lead to a LOT of healthier life for her. I'm going to have her scheduled for another echo in a year, and if she's at the same point, I'll leave off of them until she becomes symptomatic.

::sigh:: For now, I have to get over checking her every time she coughs or acts funny. But she's fine (aside from a hilarious shaved patch on her chest), and so she will hopefully continue ad infinitum.

Did I mention how cute Frigga, Freyja, and Norn have been lately? They're a regular gang now...I'm so glad I get to share living quarters with such wonderful, amusing bundles of fur. That includes Sonny, of course. ;-)

Freyja's Echo

2008-07-16T08:15:00.000-04:00

I found out on Monday that Freyja, one of my two little tuxedo PermaKittens, seems to have a condition called Hypertrophy Cardiomyopia (aka HCM). Right now, she's at the vet getting an echo so we can see how severe the condition is. Hopefully it's not bad - but any good thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Today's LOL

2008-07-14T08:20:00.001-04:00

I wonder if I could talk Sonny into letting us get a little kitten so we can re-make this picture... :-)

And the PRP saga continues...

2008-07-11T16:17:00.000-04:00

Since it’s Friday afternoon, 4:10 (I leave at 4:30), and I’ve finished all my “MUST DO” stuff for today, it’s time for a nice blog about the PERSONAL RESEARCH PROJECT. (Nothing else is apparently getting done until I complete this).

Since I last wrote:

Heard back from Prof. Dave V. from Quinnipiac University regarding any knowledge he may have about the US Traveller population

Response: Not his area of expertise. But he was VERY nice.

Got called back by a representative of the Irish Consulate in New York regarding any knowledge they may have

Response: “Try Googling (which sounds really funny in an Irish accent, BTW) ‘Irish Travellers’ to get some information. Or the Irish Traveller’s movement main website (which I already have).”
Comment: I did ask about the “AMERICAN Irish Travellers”. They were very nice at the Irish Consulate, but I don’t think they were listening. I'm going to try the Consulate in DC and see if it gets me anywhere.

Hit a GOLDMINE of information regarding the US Travellers from…criminal reports. ::sigh::

NOTE: It’s important to know that these are not ‘actual’ criminal reports (i.e. from police departments). They manifested mostly from press releases, which apparently can be quite skewed. Check out this article from a wonderful website called "Travellers Rest" (which I will describe in more detail later) to get a real perspective of the press’ misinformation on the Travellers.

Found this amazing website called "Travellers Rest". It’s actually written by a sedentary Traveller, (which means he now lives in a ‘normal’ home). I wrote the author of the site, and am SO hoping that he’s still monitoring his inbox…update (hopefully!) coming soon…However, from this website I found…
An EXCELLENT article entitled “Apocrypha to Canon: Inventing Irish Traveller History” by Dr. Sinéad ní Shuinéar. It was published in History Ireland a few years ago. I have a real hope that I can get in touch with Dr. Shuinéar and possibly get a copy of her thesis, which is apparently quite good…

There’s a fair bevy of other stuff too, but it’s mostly in bits and pieces and therefore I will hold off until I’ve made sense of it to post about it.

I really am happy with how everything is going right now. And to think, pretty much all of this has stemmed off of Tommy Tiernan, whose Irish accent I enjoy so much (not to mention the amazing comedy) that I’m trying to emulate it for the Renaissance Faire, which got me to learning about Irish history, which brought me across the Irish Travellers, which got me thinking about “The Riches” with Eddie Izzard (another amazing comedian), which led me to wondering about the population of Irish Travellers in America…

Hold on…it ought to be an interesting couple of months!

Words to Live By:

2008-07-11T16:03:00.001-04:00

LOLcat of the day!

2008-07-08T19:58:00.000-04:00

Brings new meaning to the term "Morning Breath", doesn't it?

PRP - Travellers Part II

2008-07-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

So, after a couple weeks of searching, I've come up with lots of empty hands but a few more leads to pursue as I delve into this research project. I've narrowed my focus to study the Irish-American Traveller population here in the US. However, I'm amazed at the number of times I've contacted specialists in Irish culture at the Irish Consulate, and even Traveller organizations based in Ireland, and I feel a bit like I'm asking them if they know the sound of one hand clapping.

However, there is hope! I had the bright idea to ask John M., one of the VPs at the company I work for, what his opinion was on where to search. He's much more connected with his Irish roots than I am, and a very intelligent man to boot. He actually had some really good suggestions, such as:

RTE (the Irish BBC)
Irish Echo (a newspaper out of NYC)
Quinnipiac University (in Connectict with a robust Irish studies department)
Irish America (a magazine here in the US)
Out of Ireland (a show on WLIW)

So that ought to keep me busy for a while! I will post links and information for those sources as soon as I have a chance to research them. However, I think a quick recap of what I've accomplished so far is in order.

Organizations & people I have contacted:

Professor David V. : Quinnipiac University
Emma N. : Friends, Families & Travellers
Nicola Mc. : Travellers Tairing
Irish Travellers Movement

On to the next portion of my research!

A Wonderful Quote from Manolo...

2008-07-07T12:28:00.000-04:00

Though I am indeed quite fashion-ly challenged, I have always delighted in the blog written by Manolo (the fashion god, not the fashion designer), which can be read at www.shoeblogs.com. Today I came across a particularly delicious snippet of Manolo's wisdom while breaking for lunch.

In response to an article about a woman who doesn't like wearing sandals because her second toe is longer than her big toe, Manolo writes this very encouraging and insightful post. In particular, this sentence stands out:

Dress well, live well, treat others well, and do all you can with joyful confidence and others will invariably come to love your flaws as you yourself cannot.

Quite an excellent idiom, I must say.

Awesome LOL

2008-06-25T08:37:00.001-04:00

Best LOL ever, I think...

As an interesting side note to this image, here's a snippet from an e-mail my father forwarded to me...

Have you seen the pictures from Iowa, etc. of people looting liquor stores, carrying away television sets from retail stores, sitting on the roof begging for someone to take care of them, and collected in the baseball stadium complaining about the food and shelter being provided?

Neither have I.

It is an interesting observation, to be sure. Don't know where this is from originally, but it's a compelling thought.

LOL of the day...

2008-06-23T08:32:00.000-04:00

I'm going to be really good on my diet this week.

Really.

SURGERY

2008-06-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

It has come.

:: sigh :: The final verdict is that I should go ahead with the surgery for my endo. August 5th is set in stone (for real this time). With the relative failure of other hormonal methods to control my symptoms, I don't want to launch into using Lupron without due cause and a backup method. My hope is that by having the surgery first and following it Lupron, the two will work together to make the results 'stick'.

Since a full-term pregnancy just isn't going to be possible for probably about another five years, it looks like I'm just going to have to wait this out and cross my fingers that the procedure takes for longer this time. If it could even give me another year before the symptoms start returning, I think I could make it until I could have a pregnancy.

Won't my firstborn be lucky? Not only will he or she be generally adored for being a firstborn, but they'll also have saved me from the clutches of Endo. Extra rations for the little ones in that case, then. :-)

Today's LOL...

2008-06-18T08:39:00.001-04:00

Quick update...

2008-06-17T13:31:00.002-04:00

Fuzzy Family:
All's well, though Norn's been under the bed a lot lately.

The Boy:
All's well, though he's a bit covered in poison ivy and in dire need of a real vacation.

The Job:
All's well, but BUSY

The Shelter:
I've been a sucky volunteer about posting cats...but am trying to be better!

The Schooling:
This is actually the big news. I've decided to take a 2 month break from coursework - I've just been totally overwhelmed lately. I feel a bit like a failure, but in the end, it's much better for my GPA if I just suck it up and rest during the evening instead of frantically trying to keep up with courework.

The Travellers:
I've actually not heard back from the initial organization I contacted, so I've tried another avenue. We shall see what comes of it...

Awesome LOLZ

2008-06-15T11:07:00.001-04:00

Made me smile...

Personal Research Project - Travellers Part I

2008-06-11T12:54:00.002-04:00

I've started up an interesting new personal research project. (Because, of course, I don't have nearly enough stuff to keep me occupied between my three pets, family that lives 2 1/2 hours away, boyfriend, job, MBA, etc. etc. etc...).

I was recently doing some general research online (during my lunch break, of course), and I came across the plight of a minority that I have only become acquainted with through the misconceptions of popular culture and a brief glimpse on the side of the road when my family was traveling through Ireland in 2001.

The Travellers of Ireland are a minority that have been continuously subjugated and rated as second-class citizens on both an individual and organizational level. Whether it is through over acts of violence against these people, social exclusion from public places such as pubs and other buildings, or even the systemic enforcement of using seperate facilities from the general population for applying for welfare, Travellers are forced to take a second-row seat to what the rest of us enjoy as a normal life.

What really spurred on my interest in this were some statistics I read in a paper that you can read here titled "Racism In Ireland: Travellers Fighting Back". Some of the details included were these:

Travellers have more than double the national rate of stillbirths.
Infant mortality rates are three times higher than the national rate.
Traveller women live, on average, 12 years less than settled women.
Traveller men live, on average, 10 years less than settled men.
Travellers' life expectancy is now at the level that settled people reached in the 1940's.

There is actually a relatively 'large' population of Travellers living here in the US. I've written to the Irish Traveller's Movement (based in Dublin) for information about any possible information they may have regarding Travellers in America.

The closest I've ever come to getting any sort of understanding of this group is by watching The Riches. I'd like to really know who these people are. My heritage may not be directly Traveller, but they are still Irish and that is certainly a large part of who I am. I'm excited to learn more about this group - tune in later for more details.

Deja Vu...

2008-06-11T11:48:00.002-04:00

Because my cats have to stop the paper towels from fighting all the time...